Unpredictability in life

Recently my well water changed its chemical composition and we were told that no equipment in the market can clean it. While the water purification company tried different tests and finding solutions, we struggled with the dire situation at hand. Washing laundry and dishes was and is out of question and so is cooking. Taking shower has became an issue. All that aside, number one concern was and is the water pipes in the house. The water ph level is so dangerously low that an extended exposure would make pores in copper pipes.

It's more than two weeks and we still haven't found a solution so far. Most probably, we will have to dig a new well which might take some time. First someone needs to do a survey and then find the spot to start the process. Even then, there is no guarantee that the new well will be any different than the existing one. We are hoping and praying for a speedy solution where the company won't have to dig too deep and would find a source of clean water or better yet to be able to come up with an easy solution.

Going through this phase and dealing with the situation, made me think of a lot of things. First of all, of how easily we take things for granted in life. Secondly, no matter how unexpected or difficult a situation, life goes on. One learns to improvise. We don't even know how we are going to react or cope with an unexpected situation until and unless we have to face it.

No one in my neighborhood is facing this problem. The water purification company regularly checks our water. They told us that our water composition dramatically changed over night and there is absolutely no obvious reason or clue for that. It's like our house alone was chosen by UFO's to experiment.

This is the unpredictability in life. Things happen out of nowhere. It is a proof of how nothing is under our control. People often try to find logic and reasoning for everything and in most cases they succeed but in some scenarios, there is simply no explanation or in other words, we fail to find one. Whether we find an answer or not, one thing remains certain. Everything is in Almighty's control. Nothing is in our hands. All we can do is try our best to cope with the situation by using the abilities and resources that He has bestowed upon us.

Nothing can change a thing that is destined to happen and nothing can make it happen if it's not meant to happen. He gave us life, abilities, resources and the facilities. Ups and downs, ease and difficulty,  joy and sadness are part of life. It's how we respond, react and live through a phase that define us as a person. Forgetting the Almighty in bliss and giving up in hardship is very easy. The real task in life is to always remember our place. This life is a gift from Him and we are simply steward(ess)es on earth.

Live a life

She taught me how to be grateful in life.
She was the most miserable woman I ever met. Life had dealt her a harsh hand but at the same time she was saved and blessed many times over. My heart bled for her pain and loss but more for her inability to count her blessings.
I observed her dwell in misery. She looked very lonely to me in her own selfish world in life and later died an unhappy person. Her memory always makes me think of what could have been!
She could've come out of self pity and found bliss in things that she already had.
She could've channelled her own vulnerable emotions into empathy and become more compassionate towards others.....but, alas, she did not choose to do any such thing.
All she did was focus on what was denied to her in life and that made her a very bitter person.
She gave me a lesson by her example.
She taught me to be wary of self pity. It's a quicksand that sucks one in.

People forget to see beyond their own selves in pain. Self pity and self misery come easy but are hard to overcome. A person blinded by such emotions cannot listen to logic or reasoning and no one can put sense into such a person except self help. A willingness and internal effort are needed to break free of this trap. No one's life is perfect. To each individual, their set of problems seem huge but it's all about perception. People perceive their own hardships as gigantic but tend to reduce others' in magnitude. They compare their lives with the ones they believe to be better and waste lives envying them. Comparison and envy breed self pity. Religion and faith systems try to teach contentment and hope that bring peace.

Happiness is a learned attitude either learned growing up or self taught by wisdom and thought process. Lucky are the ones who grow up in an environment that teaches appreciation of life, relations and gratitude. Such people grow up with an internal peace that keeps them anchored throughout life, but such environment is no guarantee of a cheerful disposition as sometimes very complex people emerge out of very positive households too. But generally, a good moral environment does produce positive effects.

A mature person is a combination of childhood influences, personality traits and personal choices. A mature, rational person is open to learning and improvement at any age in life and learns by observation while benefiting from the experiences of others.  Wisdom teaches one that counting the blessings at every step ensures happiness in life. Looking at the less fortunate brings gratitude and helping others grants satisfaction.

Have you ever seen devoted volunteers? They have a tranquility in their hearts because they rise above themselves and reach out to others in need. Caring for others is a priceless joy. It lends purpose to life and fill the heart of helper and receiver with contentment and gratitude.

Go an extra mile

Be grateful in life ....the change you put aside as nothing might be everything for someone else.
Try going an extra mile whenever stretching your hand because what you got was also given to you by the One who created everyone.

This incident took place in my childhood but I remember it like yesterday. I remember how touched my father was. He said that the joy on that child's face was priceless!

Time and life has taught me to accept situations and recognize limitations while exerting my best to correct whatever little is in my power. Even helping a single person makes a difference. Similarly doing a little bit extra is also important. Remember the joy we feel when we win something unexpectedly. No one can put a price on such a joy. Now imagine being the source of such joy in someone else's life!....what a blessing it would be!

A choking joy!

The room is crowded with the overjoyed faces. Faces beaming with smiles and joy. All trying to outdo each other congratulating me. I, myself feel like the luckiest person on earth with happiness but then what is this choking feeling in my throat? I close my eyes and tears slip out...

Flash back.....I'm in the exact same situation three years back but the difference is that I am absolutely alone in the room trying to control my emotions. I'm extremely happy but there is a choking feeling in my throat! I close my eyes and tears slip out...

Three years ago, no one came to the hospital to congratulate me on the birth of my daughter. My parents came and my father waited outside in the waiting area. I was completely alone in the room when my father went to bring my younger sisters while mom stepped outside to call and inform my husband. He had sent me two weeks earlier to my parents place asking to inform him after delivery.

I knew that he was disappointed. He wanted a son. His parents had acted as if I had ceased to exist after we disclosed the results of the ultrasound to them. His younger sisters got the clue and followed their parents attitude. My husband wasn't happy either but was polite enough not to ignore me. As a matter of fact, he drove me a few times to the obstetric clinic for my appointments as well.

He loved his daughter upon seeing her. He hugged her gently and said to me,"Don't worry, God willing, the next one will be a boy!".

Next year, ultrasound revealed that it was yet another girl! We drove in deep silence all the way home. He did not say a single word when his mom asked him about the visit, instead threw an accusing look at me and went in the study. She understood because with a big sigh she turned on her heels and went inside her room. I stood there in the living room like a criminal who had just committed the crime of her life.

I did not understand his attitude. Didn't he, as a doctor himself, knew that gender was determined by male chromosome. We had both learned it in medical school where we studied as class mates before I married him and put my studies on hold to bear him children while he successfully finished his. Why was he throwing me those accusing glances that made me feel guilty?

My husband did come around after a few days and said to me, "It was God's will but third time's a charm! God willing, we will have a boy next time".

The second pregnancy and delivery was extremely difficult. I felt like I had no energy left afterwards. I told my husband to wait a few years before trying for a boy but he gave me an ultimatum. I was free to leave his house if I did not want to bear his children. I was shocked, he apologized later but the seed of fear was planted. I could not imagine a life without him and within weeks I was ready with his third daughter.

Life is a blur after we came to know that it was a girl third time around. I lived like a zombie, too numb to feel anything. I was emotionally and mentally exhausted. I did not feel anything even when I conceived the fourth time. I watched the fear on my parents faces and the concern in my younger sisters' eyes with a blank. I could not hear whatever my husband mumbled and I had stopped getting chills by his relatives's behaviors a long time ago.

I did not care any more. Nothing mattered except taking care of my daughters. They were precious to me. They were pieces of my heart. I existed for them.

I was sure I had a fourth girl so I did not inquire about the gender of the child. No one came to the hospital except my mom. After long agonizing hours, I gave birth to a boy and by the time I was shifted to the recovery room, every close relative had arrived at the hospital!

Present....I don't need to open my eyes to see the joy that has filled the hospital room. My room is brimming with flower arrangements and happy people. My in laws have hugged me many times over. My mother in law has planted many kisses on my forehead. My husband cannot stop grinning and after a very very long time I've seen my parents sit upright as if a weight has been shifted from their shoulders. All this is making me very happy as well but.....why do I feel like a dagger is stabbed & stuck in my heart?

Beware of thy FRIENEMIES

Frienemies!
The backstabbing friends we all have!

Frienemies are more common among girls than boys. It's not that men don't back bite, back stab or play Judas, it's just that girls are more into it. Don't get me wrong and hold your horses before you jump into that heated argument.

Men and women are both, equally capable of any sort of human emotion and reaction. They share similar feelings and sentiments. I'm not stereotyping but trying to state a general observation. In my personal opinion, there is more betrayal among girl friends than boy friends and the basic reason is insecurity.

Today's woman is more independent, aware, and knowledgeable yet still very insecure. This insecurity is inherent in her nature. She has a history of suppression that puts her forever on guard and then there is her physicality.

Women's biology assigns that insecurity. The ticking clock is a reality more dominant in woman's world and men don't waste any opportunity to remind them of this eminent threat.

In the past, women were insecure because they were dependents. Men abused their financial hold on them. Patriarchal societies treated them like commodities with no brains. The so called women liberation in the recent past has brought in equal opportunities for education, work and independence everywhere but has increased the pressures many folds.

No matter how educated, advanced in her career or financially secure a woman might be, she always yearn for emotional security. In general, this security comes in the form of a man in her life. Nature made her and him that way! Nature prepares the girl and the boy for a sexual relationship at puberty for the sake of reproduction. We, humans like to mess up with nature and her rules. Physically, boys and girls are ready but societies are not. The society rules that they are not mature enough to handle responsibility. They should first finish their education, find a job, get established and then settle down. By the time they are ready to settle down, the women can clearly hear that ticking sound.

Denying the nature messes up everything. Frustrations arise in societies that look down or enforce laws against sexual freedom. In such societies women are usually repressed and boys are cut slack as they need to find some "relief". Finding a husband is still the number one priority for every Eastern woman till date. Social dramas develop as women try to hold reins of the men in their lives in the roles of mothers, sisters, daughters, wives etc.

The fate of Western women wasn't much different till recently. The much touted women liberation movement was based on the invention of contraceptives and brought sexual freedom. New doors opened to self expression and exertion but all this led to new problems. Wide spread STDs, teenage pregnancies and sexual experimentation set aside, the biggest issue is the sense of responsibility that marriage brings in a sexual relationship which got compromised in all this hype. The girls want steady relationships and a life partner by their nature but boys don't want to settle down. In retaliation, the latest trend among women is to deny this natural tendency altogether. Many do not want to be bound to one or by marriage. But deep down they know that something is amiss, something is not natural.

These pressures and frustrations make women insecure and this insecurity is the root cause of all back stabbing. It brings out the defensiveness that lashes out for self protection.

Love what you do & do what you love

Love what you do and do what you love!
I see a lot of grumping where work is involved. A stressed out society is full of sullenly people. Tensions are written on faces and translated in actions. Short tempers are common and ready to snap at the drop of a hat.

Try telling someone to enjoy their work and get ready to hear the endless train of complaints about how that person is bogged down with responsibilities and pressures. It all is true but if one has to do whatever needs to be done, then why not do it with a little bit positive attitude?

I remember in my childhood, it always seemed like a cumbersome chore if my mother asked me to do something. On the other hand, I would thoroughly enjoy doing the very same task if I had decided to do it out of my own free will. Once I noticed this difference, I started keeping tabs on my own responses and sure shot, there was a pattern. We don't like to be dictated. We want to be free to make our own choices but in life we have to follow instructions or time tables.

We avail the knowledge of others and follow instructions to benefit from their experiences and we work around timetables to manage the task. These are restrictions and human nature is to resist restraints. Observe children! They are happy when they try things on their own but they throw tantrums at times when forced to do something against their will. Adults train children to behave and teach them logic of discipline.

Discipline and logic need to be taught, learned and implemented. Human mind has an astonishing capacity to learn and adopt. Our brain is the director that runs the whole show. Our thinking effects the rest of our bodies and our life pattern. Mind and thinking get comfortable with patterns that we allow. Nagging pattern leads to negativity in life. Each and every task becomes a burden. The person wastes energies in remorse and does not enjoy the moment.

If we train our minds with logic to accept every situation and make the best out of it, then it becomes a habit. The person starts looking for ways to enjoy an annoying task. The internal positivity leads the person to make an effort to improve the situation.

Fear

Fear
It paralyzes.
It makes one prisoner.
It effects the psyche, the life style and the health.
What is this fear?
It lives within oneself.
It is based on observations, experiences, realities but more often on imagination.
Sometimes it's intentional, like the fear of the Supreme Being in religion but generally it creeps in uninvited and take over our lives.

There are two kinds of fear.
Fear of the known and fear of the unknown.

A person exposed to a traumatic experience is always vulnerable to the memory of it. Our inner defense mechanism sends red alerts to warn us if it senses a similar situation. A person always finds it difficult to drive on the same spot where s/he happen to have an accident. Although the chances of ending up in a similar situation are extremely small and a ration person recognizes it, yet the mind remembers the experience and a fear develops. This fear can be overcome with time and with traveling over the same spot a few times.

Time can help one overcome or develop the fear, depending upon the personality, situation and the experience.

I often hear "face the fear to overcome it".
It is true in many cases but sometimes it is not the solution. In some cases, there is no other way but to simply avoid it. For example, some people have fear of public speaking. If they try to overcome it by going on the stage and instead of overcoming it, become tongue tied in front of the audience, then the situation becomes even worse than before.
I remember my own experience.

During my first pregnancy, I had no idea about the level of labor pains. I underwent the whole experience with a naive bravery. The second time, although my whole pregnancy was much easier and the labor pains were shorter and delivery quicker, I found myself frozen with fear during delivery. Up until then, I had been quite confident and comfortable but then suddenly I realized that my mind and muscles remembered the previous excruciating pains and fear took hold of my whole body. No amount of logic and reasoning would let me relax. It's been some years but I still remember that feeling and experience of fear.

Another kind of known fear is when one observes someone else in a situation. People often make use of this fear to intimidate others. Social pressures work on this principle. Parents give examples of others to scare their children in many households. News channels broadcast stories to warn us of devastating consequences. For example, smoking can lead to lung cancer, etc.

The fear of the unknown is extremely common. From the beginning, fear of the unknown has intrigued, ruled, destroyed or made human beings. Yes, in general, it is a negative thing to be scared as it makes one weak and vulnerable but sometimes it works wonders as well. Religion uses it to make people better human beings. It talks about punishment and consequences. Fear of God. Fear of evil. Fear of hellfire. Fear of karma....all this fear is intended for the individual and collective good. Noble works have been done in the name of this fear. In fact, all other fears fade away when the fear of one God grips a heart.

People like to control others and use fear as a device to achieve this purpose. Instead of focusing on themselves, some people use the religious fear to control, degrade or insult others. Not just religious, they use any other sort of fear for that objective as well. Fear is a weakness and weakness makes one vulnerable. People look for vulnerability to hurt others. If they don't find one, they work on creating it.