I remember her!

There was this girl in my childhood. It has been ages since I last talked to her. I don't know what became of her. We used to be very close. She shared everything with me. She used to believe that one day the world would know that she was a fairy because she would make everyone happy by waving her magic wand and granting everyone their wishes. She wanted to see everyone happy. All she cared for was others. Her thoughts, her own wishes and her life revolved around others.

One time I asked her about her desires. She started telling me about her family and what she wanted for them. I insisted and inquired about her own personal wishes. What did she want or intended to do for herself? She was at a loss. She could not find an answer to what she longed for. I was a bit surprised because she was a hardworking girl with a good sense of right and wrong. I had thought that she would give me a long list of things but instead all she came up was that she wanted to make her parents and family happy by her conduct because that would make her God happy!

She loved God from childhood. Growing up in close proximity to the holy places, this was not an unusual thing. I think all my childhood friends were God fearing, obedient to parents children who respected their adults. But she was unique because she was so close to me. She loved to share everything with me. She had a pure heart that did not know how to hate or keep a grudge. She could cry easily but she did not like crying in front of others. She was too proud to show her weaknesses. She would always run to the restroom to cry behind locked doors. I often saw her swollen eyes the morning after she had cried over someone else's heartache. She always cried for others. Even for the ones who were not close to her.

She did not merely cried for others. She always tried to ease their pain as well. I saw her endless efforts to help others. Many would never know how she tried to remove misunderstandings between them or made things work for them. It was just not her nature to boast or show off. Still, often her efforts were noticed and appreciated. She was no back bencher. She was popular and under spot light most of the time in life!

We never thought of parting while growing up. This is one of the blessings of childhood. One believes in stability and magic but then life happens. Life happened to us too! I got married and lost touch with her. As I moved to States, I missed her terribly. I tried to keep ties with her but the distances were too great and painful. Keeping connection with her was extremely difficult. It hurt if I did not get in touch with her but talking to her would made me crave and miss her even more! I realized that I would have to let her go to adjust with my new reality and that's when I made this promise!

I promised myself that I would become so busy in my life that there would be no time for her. I would not allow her memory to haunt me...and that's exactly what I did! I got busy. In the process I became a machine. I never reflected back on our friendship. I never thought of whatever happened to that little girl who never would let her hair down. The sound of whose scream or laughter was never heard by others because she was too proper to ever allow that. Who watched every step and corrected every way. Did she change over time? Was she even alive? I realized that I had buried her in my thoughts. I had killed her!

All these years I had never thought about her but today she resurfaced in my thoughts. I have no idea what prompted it but I do want to remember her today! Surprisingly I don't want to get in touch with her! Finding her should not be very difficult with Internet, social media and the availability of so many other search engines but I don't have a desire to find her. I just want to recall the past experience of knowing her. I want to remember her the way she was.....UNCHANGED, UNTARNISHED, PURE!

Honey Dipped Sweet Voices!

Honey dipped sweet voices!
They repulse me.
But not all of them. There are some that are addicting to me!

There are two kinds of soft speaking people. Genuine and fake but don't confuse them as diamonds and zircons because to me, even a zircon has its own beauty and a diamond is simply an overpriced, shrewdly marketed beautiful coal. Genuinely nice and pretentious people are more like real and fake pearls. One can scratch a real pearl with a knife and it won't damage the luster while the skin of a fake one peels off. There are people who are pure like bona fide pearls, who are born with this natural beauty which shines through their personality. Their gentle nature cannot imagine of hurting a person even in their dreams. Such people gain automatic respect among their peers and good will in the long run. They are usually not prominent players in general, taking a back seat and preferring a mellow lifestyle.

The fake people copy them to gain the same respect and goodwill but their nature is  exactly like fake pearls. The softness is only for the show while inside is entirely different substance. Just like the customers of fake pearls, many people are fooled by the outward appearances of fake people because they do not let anyone see their fangs. They are very cunning people and thrive on cut throat competitions but shroud all this in a sweetness which they wear like a mink coat in winter. The coat is pretty but is bloody.

The fake people are not brave which is an attribute of true people. This lack of bravery is not like the mellowness of genuinely gentle people. The fake ones bide their time and back stab. They won't even openly gossip or backbite because that would mean to come out of their shell. They look for opportunities to help others start rifts and quarrels. They rarely start a fire themselves but always help others start one while they add fuel. Their desire to appear genuine makes them weigh every word they speak (it also helps them to keep track of their lies), hence a soft tone! They usually beat around the bush if questioned about their decisions because they never reveal their inner intents.

I have even met some very religious (or appearing to be so) people who had a lot of general respect but they failed to inspire such in me. I noticed that they never completely lied but never told the truth either. They deceived people. They usually stated lies in a way that they were half truths. Their talks were ambiguous which always left room for modifications. In the beginning, I tried respecting them but my heart refused. Later I could find clash and duality in their conducts and I understood what my heart felt. Some may call it intuition!

The sweet voice of genuine people is a melody that soothes my heart and consoles my soul while there are sweet voices that make me cringe. They are so fake and ostentatious that I want to close my ears. I would rather hear a voice that might be harsh but free of all pretensions.

Be Happy!

I admire people with positive attitudes!
I think we all are capable of having it. It's in our hands to make or spoil a moment. It all depends upon our attitude. The glass is always half full if half empty!

Keeping an optimistic view when weighed down by hardships is the real test of people. It's a general concept that success is accompanied with happiness but I've come across people who have the ability to spoil even those moments. I remember one time I congratulated a friend on his promotion and instead of being happy, he snickered that what good that promotion was if the salary was only marginally increased? I was shocked by his reply and felt sorry for his attitude. He was spoiling a perfect opportunity of being happy.

This friend is not a sole example. There are many people in my life who simply refuse to be happy. It's not the lack of occasions but their attitude that's the root cause. I've observed this behavior more often in the Eastern cultures than in the West. The concept of "bad eye" breeds the intent to hide happiness which nourishes this attitude. People are wary of sharing their achievements and joys. The desire to avert jealousies gives rise to secrecy which in its turn brings in suspicion and mistrust. These concepts are universal but their magnitude is way smaller in the West because of personal freedoms.

People suspect ulterior motives if they see someone genuinely celebrating another person's happiness. I remember another time with another friend! Her friend's child had made remarkable achievement and although I had never met the person, I felt ecstatic for his personal success. My friend who was very close to that person scornfully told me, "You might know how to celebrate others' happiness but I don't!"


It's been years since she said those words to me but they stayed with me. Over the years I've seen her go through various degrees of sadness and depression with my own failed attempts to teach her that happiness is very easily attainable! It depends upon our own attitude and outlook. Life is a mix of disappointments and achievements. Maybe more of the former than the latter but we will never be out of joy if we learn to be happy for others. Imagine our world if we ALL learned and adopted this habit!



 

Human & Humanity!

Every effort should be exerted to prevent mistakes from happening but mistakes do happen!

What counts is the repentance and the resolve to correct and not to repeat!

Demolish the walls!

I've often found people building walls around them to protect their loved ones but it only brings stress and breeds depression.

We need to share our emotions to feel loved.

Oh, The Shame!

Oh, the shame!

It reminded me of my SHAME!

Imran khan lost the election in May 2013. 

There was a huge uproar in the intellectual class and youth of Pakistan who were all rooting for him. They had not even remotely considered the possibility of a defeat thinking victory was their right as majority of them were casting their votes for the first time and deserved the applause.

I do not participate in Politics. Politicians and politics repulse me with their dirty antics but it does not mean that I do not care. I do cast my vote as a responsible citizen and have my opinions. In general, I prefer to stay neutral but the situation in Pakistan often break my resolve not to speak up.

I watched the hysteria spread like wildfire among the educated class in Pakistan as the election results were finalized. I had earnestly prayed for my fears to be baseless and my secret predictions to be false. I did like Imran Khan and considered him a better candidate among others although a bit inexperienced and found his dreams unrealistic. But unlike the educated masses, his failure did not surprise me. Neither did the accusations of a rigging during vote casting that followed.

I wanted to scream at those so called educated class as to why were they surprised? I wanted to actually tell them that it was their own doing. They were accusing the system, the people in power, the people in positions, the people with money, etc. I wanted to tell them that no one else was to be blamed but they, themselves. The fault lied with them. They were part of the same system they were trying to blame. Yes, they were trying to bring out a change, but they were changing a face, not the system. They were not changing themselves.

They talk about rigging!

Let me tell you about rigging!

I was in my masters.

Pakistan was my homeland but foreign to me as I grew up abroad and had recently returned there for higher education.

Our junior class was planning a farewell party for the seniors.

Almost ninety percent of my MS class was male and my female peers made up a small minority. Although there was no segregation, the female students always sat at the front, keeping distance from the opposite gender.

None of the female students wanted to be part of the farewell party preparations. Their excuse being that they came from very conservative back grounds or that they were not comfortable being on or near a stage.

Although I grew up in a very strict and segregated country, I had no reservations working with boys. I knew that I could hold my own among both genders. I gladly accepted the responsibility of being the program host on the stage.

Everything seemed to be going fine till the very last minute. Everyone had gathered and were seated  in the grand hall. I was about to go on the stage to start the program when the lead organizing boys stopped me and handed me a piece of paper with three names written on it. They told me to announce those names as the winners when a drawing would be made at the end of the program. I was stunned beyond belief!  Never in my life before I had ever done or even come close to any such thing. It was absolute cheating. I refused and tore down the paper.

I felt self elation on the righteous act and prided myself on putting sense into them and stopping those boys from committing a wrongful act. The program went smoothly. The time for the drawing came up. A boy held the jar full of slips with the names of all the seniors while another boy made the draw and brought the slip to me. Enthusiastically I looked at the paper he had placed on the dice in front of me and horror hit me! Like an expert conman, he had switched the paper and the slip that faced me had not one but three names written on it! The same three names with the numbers one two and three written to indicate the order!

I felt paralyzed. Part of me wanted to disclose to the whole audience the con. I looked up at the upturned faces and the realization hit me. If I decided to reveal the treachery, no one in that audience was going to be surprised. They all expected to be cheated, lied to and made fool of. It was the system and they were part of that system. I was only going to bring out their contempt for me if I dared ruin the evening for them.  May be it was this realization or may be because I felt like an absolute stranger in my own homeland but my strength failed me and I announced the first name in a trance. 

The remainder of the evening was spent in a daze. I watched myself role play from a distance while my mind, logic, and thoughts refused to cooperate with me. Inside, I felt like dying of shame. The shame of being part of such treachery. My heart and mind were screamingly asking me only one question; If universities were training grounds for grooming minds for a bright future of a country, just how were these young adults going to be a bright future of Pakistan?

 

Wrote this blog on Wednesday, Aug, 21, 2013

U are who U are...so own that personality & rock the world!

The nature of a person never changes!

We all change over time but our true self remains the same. Each and every person in the world is a unique individual, having a specific fingerprint but we can categorize the personalities. Some are leaders while others are followers. Some are stern while others are mellow. Some are carefree while others are cautious.... There are endless such categories with extremes and varying degrees in between. Everyone has a piece of each category to make a complete whole but the largest part gets to decide the sort of personality that person owns.

None of the categories is either good or bad. These categories are personal traits. How one uses these traits to make a life decides the sort of a person s/he is! Hitler was a born leader and an intelligent man but he used his qualities for hatred and destruction of millions. Nelson Mandela was not a very big built man but he made history through his strength. He endured prison but did not let that chain his heart in hatred. He ruled hearts of millions in love.

The traits do not make us who we are, our choices do! We all have to decide what kind of a person we want to be in life. If a person chooses to be bad, no one can change that. Same way, nothing or no one can change a person's resolve to be good. All religious people would tell you that their faith system teaches moral values and peace. Piety and purely are associated with religious people yet we sometimes see the religious people do evil to others. It is not the religion, but a person's own choice to use religion as an excuse to hate others. A true person of faith is too busy fearing God and focusing on his/her own conduct rather than judging others. This world is big enough for all of us to coexist in peace if we would just let it be!

Our personalities are a combination of all different traits with some more dominant than others. Knowledge and wisdom help us decide how to control and utilize these traits. We should understand our personalities and make peace with them. Fighting one's nature, to me, is such a waste of precious time and resources because none of the traits by nature are bad. Acceptance means to realize one's own potential and use it for the good. Everyone is capable of contributing their share of good. If we all did that, the world would be such a better place!