I know what you did!

He was on the stretcher in a room. It was temporary because the staff had gone to arrange for the room and paperwork with my mom and brother. I and my husband were with him. 

He asked for water. There was no water in the room.

 His wish was always my command. 

I looked in the corridor everywhere, there was no water fountain. I was conscious of my non covered head. I came back. Begged my husband to go further, ask someone for water. He was reluctant. I insisted. He went. 

I could see dad trying to say something. He could not talk. I could not understand. I was frantic. My father had asked me for water and I was not able to get it for him. 

My husband went and came back empty handed. I tried to convince him to go once again. 

I noticed father was using every bit of energy to say something. He said ... You go.

I could not stop. I forgot everything. Like an insane person, I ran in every direction.

Saw cafeteria sign. Went in there. Asked for water. I thought it would be free. The guy said I had to pay. I told him I could pay later. He would not listen. I told him about my dad. He won't understand saying hospital should provide for the patient.

I ran back to the room. Asked my husband for money. He had a credit card. I ran back with the card. The guy said they did not take cards. I was going out of my mind. I took out my engagement ring, gave it to him, begging him for a bottle of water. He returned the ring with the water. Said keep both.

I started running, shouting back that I would pay for it as soon as I get the money from home. Which I did.

I put the bottle to dad's mouth. He barely wet his lips. 

I was thinking. He could not drink. He MADE me get it. 

He knew I would get it at all costs. 

He was trying to teach me not to rely on anyone. 

Not to depend on any other. 

He was sending a message. 

He could not talk. 

He did not know if I would ever get the letter he had written two years ago and which was buried in his files. 

I knew at that moment, seeing him look at me, what he had done!He had shown me my own capability. 

I had done what my own could not. 

He had shown me my own determination and resolve.

He was trying to teach me to rely on my own judgement and power.

He was telling me I could do anything I wanted if I tried.

                                                                                         Shamsa Anwar

Melt in Love

MELT IN LOVE

Valentine's week ended with a lots of love quotes and shares on social media. A verse struck a cord during all that love talk. Someone had shared a verse "melt, melt slowly in my arms" and that gave me a pause to reflect and think.

What does it really mean?

After a long deliberation, I think I understood it's persuasive nature.

It's the game of wooing.

This is something which I wouldn't know because to me, there is no holding back in love. There's no slow melting. It's an instantaneous melt as if a candle is placed on the burning stove. Love demands that. It's the power of love that takes away all other senses of resistance.

Persuasion is needed where there's a lack of willingness. The person falls head over heels in love. The state is pure liquid form where one molds exactly according to the dictates of love. No question remains of slow melt or friction.

                                                                                                  Shamsa Anwar

SISTERS

I looked at my smile...

As a twinkle in her eyes...

And I understood!

What I had been searching for...

Making friends and many foes...

Yearning years in the rows...

The connection and the ties...

Once I had known it up close...

Now, miles are in between...

The time has played the role...

Yet it was never gone...

I saw her after years,

For a blink of an eye...

And I understood...

Nothing can ever take it away...

Me sister is my best friend.

Art & Photo @ Shamsa Anwar 2015

HAPPINESS

HAPPINESS

Everyone wants it. They spend lives searching for it, running after it.

People treat it as a goal. It's not an end. It's a passing yet a recurring phase, the memory of which lingers on. 

It's a state so addicting that one yearns for it all life.

What is it?

It's a sense of satisfaction.

It's an experience where one feels most natural.

For many it's a mirage. They run after it yet it eludes them.

Most associate this state with fulfillment of desires. 

Some think of it as dreams coming true.

Basic problem is the approach.

Worldly satisfaction through exchange of money is never going to bring an everlasting state of happiness. 

Humans forget their nature in the pursuit of their desires.

 Their core understands the fickleness of this world. 

The soul is never satisfied by the physical comfort purchased at its neglect. 

Mortal body is going to decay at death. It's the soul that will carry on. 

Until and unless we satisfy that soul, we are never going to achieve true happiness that brings in peace. 

That joy lies in answering the call to our true selves.

Recognizing and fulfilling our responsibility, duty and rights are the pavements of the road to true happiness and satisfaction.

50 SHADES OF GREY

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY

Part of me did not want to watch the movie but I wanted to write on the topic, so I went and watched it in theaters. The movie turned out to be an absolute disappointment with nothing much to offer. I failed to understand how anyone could associate this movie with romance or love.

It's about a sick man who derives sexual pleasure out of torturing women. Some call it S & M. The movie calls it Dominant & Submissive relationship. The reality remains that one person inflicts pain on the other. What makes it okay? Is it the thousand dollar leather belt he uses to whip her because I am sure anyone would be enraged if this was a ten dollars belt in the hands of a husband raised on his wife.

People argue consent. Really? We talk about freedom and condemn slavery but it's okay if such games are played behind closed doors, out of clothes? Doesn't that show certain aggressive tendencies?

The movie shows that she allows such abuse because she loves him. What kind of a message is being conveyed to young girls, who by the way, are flocking the movie theaters. I am sick to my stomach reading post after post on social media about girls screaming how hot Mr. Grey is! He is a very repulsive and cold blooded character in the movie, yet girls are fantacizing about him because he's the rich billionaire who buys stuff and controls his woman.
Control!

Women by nature have submissive tendencies. They let go of their virginities when they form relationships, allow another person to penetrate deep inside their bodies. Carry his seed and bring forth another life after nourishing it within for nine months. Men, on the other hand, have natural tendency to be dominating due to physical structure and strength. These natural tendencies are subtle and actually help bring in a balance to the relationship like two wheels of a bicycle. It doesn't matter which wheel is at the front and which is at the back as both are equally needed and important for the entire function.

The key factor in a man and woman relationship is respect. Both have strong points and individual weaknesses. One's strength complements other's weakness. There is equality despite differences.

Problem arises when one starts abusing and dominating the other. Society looks down on verbal and physical abuse but keeps mum on sexual practices. Usually it's okay for consenting adults to indulge in consensual activities but when we glorify such tendencies, we open up doors to a whole new set of issues. For example, we all know certain people are already into such stuff but many couples stay away from it. A much talked about movie tells the youngsters that it's okay to experiment such stuff. The hesitation is gone. Girls fantasize being Ann who might be able to change Christian through her love, not realizing that such people never change.

No woman should ever allow a man to raise hand on her or vice versa. Respect in sexual relationship is essential for a peaceful and durable relationship. A man who is aroused by verbally or physically inflicting pain on his woman, is not worthy of any woman and same goes for woman too. It horrifies me when I hear a girl tell that she loved being choked during sexual intercourse. What sort of relationship is that? Does she not realize that she could die? What sort of man is he who makes love to her watching her in such a painful state? One thing I can assure you, a household formed on such a relationship, will never be blissful or find peace.

Love & Attachment

I'm always surprised to hear people say not to form attachments in love.

True that love is all about letting go of self but that in itself is an attachment because one sacrifices for the beloved. Bonds are formed and expectations emerge in love.

Even the Creator has expectations from us. Our love attaches us to Him. We surrender our will to His will through this attachment and devotion. This surrender is not a one time thing. It needs a constant effort and renewal.

The most selfless love on earth is of a mother's and that too is based on attachment and expectations of fulfilling the duties of that title. A child's welfare is dependent on that attachment.

A parent's love and prayers are always needed and have special meaning and place in a person's life, regardless of age, due to the relationship between the person and the parent. 

Relationships are attachments. Attachments give rise to expectations. There are expectations from each relationship, be it sibling, family or spouse.

Non legal relationships like friendships are also based on expectations of loyalty and sincerity. There are unsaid promises to honor and respect each other. 

Love demands sacrifice from the ones in love but love itself has a huge ego as it does not tolerate insult and degradation of itself, or of the loved one. Love puts the lover on the pedestal and forgets about the rest. This is attachment. Devotion is attachment. 

Don't know what to do!

DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO

I just received a phone call from a woman, I barely know.

She was crying and wanted advice on what to do with life.

She has been living with the father of her kids, for a long time.

He had promised her a marriage that has yet to see the day.

This afternoon, he raised his hand on her and stormed outside.

She knew that after some time, he would be back, late at night.

There would be tears but then making up, to set the things alright.

It was a norm and nothing wrong as he was with the might.

She never had the guts to stand and always took it all in stride.

But something changed, shook her up and made her call out for help.

Today, her son, the three year old, had seen his father raise his hand.

She had to stop but did not know how she or he was going to change.

She needed help and wanted to know, how to work things out with him.

I tried convincing her to find a way of leaving him, for he wasn't going to change.

She sobbed a lot and kept on repeating,

"I don't know how or what to do. I want him and I love him."

                                                                                       Shamsa Anwar.