She had heard a story in her childhood where anyone who turned or looked back turned to stone.
She was afraid that if she so much as stole a glance backwards, she would turn to stone that very minute, so she did not look back!
Her life had drastically changed in just three weeks. In past three weeks, not only had her parents accepted a proposal from someone settled in Sydney, Australia but had married her off in a hurry as the guy had to go back. Everything happened in such a rush that she could hardly catch her breath or comprehend of all that was happening to her in her own life. The sheer logic of it all escaped her.
Only five days ago she handed her life over to a complete stranger whose name she now carried. The wedding days were already a blur in her head. She did remember the excitement and the crowds. She was so happy. It had been her number one desire to become a bride. She had dreamed of the day since childhood. The day she would be all decked out in jewels and fancy clothes. She considered herself the luckiest girl to be getting married so early at the age of eighteen. On top of that she was going abroad. She, who had never traveled outside the city. She, who had only seen pictures of Australia in magazines and books, could not contain her excitement at the thought of traveling in an airplane for the first time and living in a foreign land with all the facilities and luxuries.
It did not matter much to her that her groom was twelve years her senior or that he was a complete stranger. Arranged marriage was the only kind she was familiar with in her family, so it was not something unusual. The groom as it turned out did not look his age at all and her heart swelled with pride at the envy in the voices who praised the looks of her groom to her.
At first she did not know what to do. It was something extremely embarrassing and she did not know who to talk to or how to talk about it. Finally, the day before her departure to Australia, she gathered all courage and confided in her best friend. Her friend was already married with a kid and she thought that the friend would be of help. The friend had jokingly teased her about her marital bed and that's when she confided in her friend that her husband had not been able to consummate the relationship. He had tried and on failure had given her cold shoulder. She did not know what to do or how to handle the situation.
The friend listened to the whole situation and explained to her how sometimes it's not easy for some men. It could be for many different reasons. Maybe the age and being with someone for the first time at that age had been the issue. Maybe it was because of stress or perhaps them being complete strangers was the culprit at hand. The friend assured her that he looked normal with a pleasant personality. She was sure that once they were in Australia, away from all the crowds and spend some time alone and get to know each other, the situation would improve.
Next day, she departed with her husband for Australia. Everyone in her and his family along with many friends came to the airport to see them off. That's when it really hit her. She was moving so far away from all those familiar faces. The mere thought was enough to choke her but she was a married woman now. She carried a husband's name and although he was as stranger to her as day one, he was her everything now. She tried to match his long strides as she turned after saying good byes with sobs that she strangled in her chest. She knew everyone was standing behind, watching her go. Every fiber in her being wanted her to turn to have another look at those beloved faces, but she did not. She knew that she would turn to stone if she did that, so she never looked back.
She went to Australia with him without looking back!
Her friend was delighted to hear the birth of her son some time later. It was the sign that everything had turned out fine as the friend had predicted. But then, the friend got the letter that dropped the bombshell! The friend received a letter from her. A desperate cry for help!
She had written that initially things were very confusing. They were eventually able to consummate but the overall situation had not improved much. After the failures, his behavior had been peculiar and weird. His aloofness had given way to anger and bouts of temper. He was a reasonable person when not in a bad temper, though very particular about things. He needed things certain way and in set orders. Anything out of that order was an excuse for loosing temper, which became a routine. The news of her pregnancy had managed to bring them together and during those initial, gentle days, he discussed the situation with her and they both went to see a doctor. That's when they discovered his OCD. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive–compulsive_disorder#cite_note-pmid17161383-1)
She had never known of any such disorder in her life! He had heard about it but had never imagined himself to be a patient. The doctor prescribed some medicines but explained that it's more psychological than a physical disorder and very difficult to cure. The medicines made him drowsy, edgy and moody. After a while he stopped taking the meds. Her hopes of his cure came crushing down on realizing that the diagnosis and termination of the meds actually left him a very bitter man. There was just a slight relief at the birth of their baby son when he became very gentle and cared for her but soon his old self came back.
He would come home expecting the table to be set and food steaming on the table. A minute's delay and he would throw the whole dish on the ground, leaving her to clean up the mess. He would check the most unexpected of places and a speck of dirt would throw him in a frenzy of violent temper. She tried her best not to offend him and go by his order and routine but it was becoming extremely difficult with the baby. And then the day came when he started hitting her. After that, there was no end to it. Every other day, he would find an excuse to beat her black and blue and she did not know what to do and who to tell, especially with the recent death of her father in an accident, leaving her mother and her only teenage brother with two younger sisters in dire financial situation. In desperation, she wrote to her friend and asked her advice.
The friend, now a mother of three kids herself, living in a joint family system, had no idea what to do. She took the letter and went to her mother. The heart broken mother, in her turn, went to her daughter's in laws and showed them the letter. They were shocked and wrote back to her husband inquiring about the situation.
Mind you, I'm telling you of a time when phones were a luxury and letters the common way of communication over distances that used to take months to reach.
The arrival of those inquiring letters made her life a living hell as he realized that his secret was out. The beatings and abuse became worse. It was on one of such days when an old friend of his happened to pay an unexpected visit. The friend found her half conscious where her husband had pushed her near the front door before going out. The friend helped her and waited for her husband's return. The threat of a report to the police by the friend convinced the husband to send her back to her mother's house.
She came back with the baby. Poor mother embraced her with open hands but the financial situation at home was bad. Fifteen years old brother had to quit school in order to make ends meet. Sisters were still going to school but looked at her with such fear in their eyes that she wanted to gather them in her arms and pacify them every time she looked at them.
With just twelve years of schooling, all her efforts to find a job turned out to be futile. She enrolled herself in typing classes hoping to find a clerk position but time ticked by with no break in sight. She started feeling guilty every time she sat down to eat on the dining table. Every days she searched the newspaper for new job openings and every day she waited for an interview all that never came.
A year passed without any luck. A year that seemed longer than a decade!
A year had passed since her return when her in laws sent messages that her husband was back in the country and desired to take her back. He was extremely sorry and full of regret. He wanted to make amends and wished to start anew.
They sent a message with a date on which her husband wanted to come meet them all and take her back with him. Everyone in her family knew that her going back was out of the question. She needed to terminate and get out of the relationship. Her mother told her that they should let them come in so that they could all resolve the situation in person by agreeing to a divorce.
The day came. They all came, he with them. Her own family along with her cousins and elders were gathered in her mother's tiny house as well. Her younger sister informed her that everyone was gathered in the sitting room and waiting for her to go and voice her decision in person to him in front of everyone.
She started after her sister but then halted momentarily. She looked back and her life flashed in front of her eyes. She turned back and saw the frightened eyes of her younger sister, holding the tattered curtain back in her roughened hand, waiting for her. She picked the baby in her arms and entered the sitting room and without looking at anyone announced her decision. She was going back with him.
Her family up roared. Her cousins got furious with her for going against all their advice. Her mother pleaded. She kept mum. She did not explain, she did not utter a word. She silently heard all. She did not say a single word even when her uncle told her not to complain again once she left. She quietly packed her mediocre things and left with her son next day when her husband returned to pick her up.
She went back with him and never looked back!
