Love vs Compassion

Love and romance, everyone wants, understands and talks about these concepts. In fact, they are the hottest topics these days. Visit any social media and observe the influx of post after post on this subject. People like such posts because they identify with these emotions. It's easy to understand love and romance because these involve personal gratification. They reflect on individual choices and attachments.

Love weaves threads of relationships, tangles of emotions and webs of expectations. Even the most selfless love,  that of a mother, calls for bonds. There are responsibilities that are part of these relationships. Some defined and vague obligations need to be fulfilled. Love yearns for reciprocation. It pines for the beloved and craves satisfaction.  Such is the nature of love.

Compassion, on the other hand, is something different, though many can confuse it with love. 

Compassion and empathy are selfless. They are free of attachments or personal ties. They don't look for reciprocation. They are a step above love, in my dictionary, because they are absolute acts of humanity. They make a person do heroic acts. They turn people into humans.

Every individual ever born, is capable of love. The world may not approve of that love but the fact cannot be denied that even a hard core criminal knows how to and loves somebody or something. Love runs like blood in every individual. It's an animal instinct. Love is a common and very basic act. The object or subject of desire and the method of how that love is expressed render dignity and respect to that love. Well defined boundaries give legal or obnoxious status to love. In one case, it's devotion and in another, it's obsession. 

Compassion is rare and many lack it. Empathy is even harder to find. The reason is the pure selfless nature of these emotions. In a world where everything is understood on exchange value, give and take basis, where personal joy and happiness is number one goal, where self comes before others, in such a world, compassion and empathy are hard to come by. These precious emotions are natural characteristics of some personalities but they are mostly learned sentiments. 

The world is in turmoil in recent times because love and romance is ruling every heart but compassion and empathy are taking a back seat. We need to bring them up front. Until and unless, our hearts open up for "others" the way they do for "ours", the world will not be a better place or at peace. True happiness will not prevail till the day love embraces compassion. A partnership of the two will bring a total bliss, not only to the hearts but to the whole world.

                                                                                                                                          Shamsa Anwar.

I did it all, for you!

I gave you all I had

I told you all I could

No ego or respect, kept nothing, no I would

With feeble tiny feet, I matched your giant leaps

Your gaze was up ahead, my eyes were down cast

Walked your footsteps, not knowing nothing else 

No mountain or desert, no river, no forest 

I knew not anything, trying to win your heart

Did everything I could

Now, it's time to pay back!

One is from Venus, other's from Mars

Limits in Love

Live a Life

I

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Depression is on the rise.

Depression!

It's more common than we know.

It's more real than we realize.

And it's more serious than is taken.

It's symptoms range from mild to severe and originate from diverse sources.

Easily missed and often misdiagnosed, depression is becoming a major ailments of current era. Many people suffer in silence either due to confusion or dilemmas attached to its diagnosis.

Mild form of depression is felt by a majority, living under social pressures, one way or another. Nuclear families in the west become victims of this octopus through loneliness and solitude, as it digs it's tendrils deep into emotional Heath, while eastern counterparts attack their victims, using the complete opposite, by suppressing personal freedoms and rights. 

Milder form of depression can be easily managed by recognizing the root causes, studying personal reactions, personalities and practicing meditation techniques. Family and friends can lend support as a springboard to uplift the patient's mood and spirits or one can overcome the hurdles by own conscious effort.

Social environment and pressures are not the only causes of depression. Hormonal imbalance is also responsible for depression, in which case, all above mentioned techniques work to a limited degree and fail to fully cure the patient. Chronic depression can make a person physically sick and ultimately leads toward immature or accidental death. The patient often fails to take control or realize the need to seek help. The gloom takes away the desire to exert an effort to change and the person keeps on slipping in the pits of this dark hole called depression. Suicide is a major threat as a temptation for such patients. They need major support in form of someone else who can stick through and convince them to seek help in the form of medicine and therapy.

Therapy is a good solution for all kinds of depression. It is an alternative in a society where no one has time for anyone else, to lend a sincere ear or a sympathetic shoulder to cry upon. In olden days, therapy was available in the form of aunts, siblings, ..., relatives and friends. Individualization and selfie obsessed era has made people blind to others. Each is focused on personal gratification and self. When everyone only "wants", then who is going to give? Everyone is in need of love and affection but no one is willing to halt and render as they are in a rat race to gain more and more. This never ending thirst for more is producing major dissatisfaction, giving rise to depression.

                            Shamsa Anwar


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Sorry

Sorry

Oh how many fall for it....every time ...

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THIS is LOVE

Now, this is LOVE

"What was the cause of his untimely demise?"
"Cancer" someone replied through muffled sobs.
"Wouldn't have guessed! Never in my career did any cancer patient have such bright and clean teeth" the mortician went on to explain that usually in the last stages, the patient's gum become so sensitive and infected that brushing is impossible which does further damage to the already chemo effected teeth.

At that moment, every fiber in my body wanted to tell him the reason for that, but I knew that words would fail me. I was well aware of the fact that the only sound that could've escaped my tightly clenched teeth would have been heart rendering screams, and nothing else. How could a person form or lend any sense to sentences or words, whose world is coming apart at that moment? So, I did not say a single thing...but an image kept flashing behind the dense curtain of tears slipping out of my sealed eyes!

The image of my mom ....
beside the skeleton of a man, lying in bed, who was my beloved dad ...
My mom had aged beyond her age in past few months, with deep black circles around her eyes...eyes that were still wet though they had cried beyond their capacity and lips that had paled but were not tired of praying....and her hands....ahhh, I looked at those hands as she sat beside my dying father's ,bed and cleaned his teeth with those caring hands!

My dad spent the last two weeks of his life in the hospital, fighting the horrific fight against cancer, that ultimately took his life. Six months of chemotherapy never worked. My parents fought the battle with all the willpower but it was not enough. I remember my mom telling me that it was as if they were trying to support a crumbling wall by their bare hands. No effort came through and the wall collapsed.

I had reached my parents' place only two weeks before my father's death. Two days after my arrival, he was admitted to the hospital from where he never came home.

Every day, on my visit to the hospital, I would see my mom clean his teeth, painstakingly, very softly, as if handling the most fragile glass, with her expensive chiffon scarfs. She used her scarfs because those were the softest material and nothing was more valuable than the person on that bed, to her. With extreme care and time, she would gently wipe each and every tooth one by one.

The first day I saw her doing it, she told me that my father was a very religious man. Hygiene is sometimes referred to as one half of the faith, in Islam. Being a devoted Muslim, my father always took good care of hygiene and cleanliness. His teeth were always sparking like peals due to the habit of brushing after each meal. He followed his beloved Prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him) example who loved to brush and keep his teeth clean.

Mom said,"your father loved and always kept his teeth clean. Now that he has no strength to lift his arm, I will do his work for him" and continued her delicate task.

The story does not end here. There was much more to it than that. She had said that my father was a very pious man, and she was right. Yes, he was but so was she. They both loved their religion and their Prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him).

Prophet Mohammad (Peace be upon him) died at the age of 63 years. He was sick in his last days and was unable to get up. His companions would call upon him to convey regards and greetings. One day his brother in law visited him for the purpose. Prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him) was extremely weak by this time lying in fever. His worried wife Ayesha (God bless her) was cradling his head in her lap. Ayesha's brother was holding a Miswak in his hand as he entered the room. Miswak is a special tree branch used as a toothbrush. It is narrated by Ayesha (God bless her) that she saw her beloved husband, Prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him) looking longingly at the Miswak. She understood the meaning as he had not been able to get up and brush his teeth while bed ridden.

Ayesha (God bless her) asked her brother for that Miswak and softened its dry bristles with her own teeth. Once satisfied that it was no longer coarse, she gave it to Prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him), who cleaned his teeth with it. That was the last act that he performed before death as soon after, his condition worsened and he left this mortal world to meet his Lord. As per tradition of all Prophets, Prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him) was buried at the spot of his death, that is, in the living quarter of Ayesha (God bless her).

So you see, for me, my pious mom and dad not only believed but practiced their beliefs by trying to follow the traditions of Prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him). Seeing my mom clean my dad's teeth always refreshed the incident of Prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him) and Ayesha (God bless her) in my mind. Like Ayesha (God bless her), my mom dotted on her husband and when he was unable to, aided and performed his duties. My father's teeth were pearly white in death because of the love of the woman who spent almost three decades as his life partner. They had a strict arranged marriage. They had not even seen a picture of or heard voice of each other before the wedding night, yet theirs is the best love story that I witnessed. They loved each other for the sake of their Lord. The love of religion brought them closer to each other and showed in every deed they performed. They taught me the best values by example. They showed me not only how to love but how to practice and honor that love.

Shamsa Anwar
Originally posted on Tuesday, July 1, 2014

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Father's Day

Happy Father's Day!

A woman's love for her man
is shown by the
respect their children
Give to the father.

Shamsa Anwar

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Enjoy the Happiness

There are three kinds of extremes.

In moments of happiness, some people ....

1. Hide their feelings.

2. Dance in ecstasy.

3. Fall down in prostration to thank the Almighty.

Years ago, I congratulated a person on his promotion. To me, it was a big deal but his answer caught me off guard. He whined that what was there to be happy about as the monetary gain was almost negligent and it was just a title or the rank promotion. 

As I listened to him, I realized that he was the first kind. He would always celebrate his happiness secretly or find excuses not to enjoy it at all. Such people are not only introverts but they often have phobias about catching the bad eyes, bad luck, envies and jealousies. Since these kind of people do not share their own happiness, they are highly critical of others who do so. They tend to minimize their own gains and over emphasize that of others.

Watch out for such people as they would never be sincere friends.

The second group of people are the ones who make a lot of noise about every gain and  accomplishment. Great party givers, they tend to attract huge crowds. They come across as generous of heart and laughter prone. They just need an excuse to super indulge. 

Although fun loving, the second kind of people are at high risk of melancholy and depression. They are not good at handling losses or troubles in life. Their friendships are based on enjoyment and celebrations. They feel lonely without these two elements and fear desertion by their own crowd even in the presence of the two elements because of the fickle nature of them.

Be careful around such people. They have a tendency to suck you in by the loud noise of celebrations where you might forget the time and date.

The third kind are very spiritual kind. They are sensitive and humble in nature. They fear their Lord and watch out their actions. They are often lonely in life as there's not much celebrations or noise around them which bores the majority but they inspire awe and respect in the hearts of others.

These kind of people are great source of spiritual inspiration. They cry a lot but there is an internal peace that surrounds them. 

Like any other thing, extreme of these three kinds is also not good.

1. The first kind forget to celebrate and share. They often harbor negative feelings.

2. Second kind forget the spiritual part and dwell in the worldly aspects. They often feel empty and suffer hangovers.

3. Third kind tend to forget the celebrations in their extremes.

A balanced combination of the three leads to a peaceful life.

The key is to always remember who runs the show. Be grateful to Almighty for every blessing and offer thanks, but celebrate in moderation, because sharing happiness with a good heart while saying thanks to Almighty, is also a great form of gratitude. Sincere happiness automatically brings a sprint in the steps that is a natural dance. 

Share the joys with others with proclamation of gratitude to Him and be cautious of envy and jealousies because those are parts of this world.

Life is a juggle and living is an act of balancing all this expertly.

                                                                                                      Shamsa Anwar

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Oh how I wait for thee

More than past ten months, I've waited for the date

And now that only days are left, the time is dragging on

Oh how I wait for thee my friend, for sure you come to me

With joys so pure that angels descend, down to honor thee

I forget to munch, eat or drink, such needs are secondary

The sleepless nights are on my mind, in your company

You are like so many others, yet no one resembles thee

You are the one and only one, as you are singled out

Blessed are you, the honored one, your signs and entry

You affirm my faith and give it life, like charging a battery

My heart flutters by the thought, oh how I wait for thee

Bring in all the gifts of bliss, blessings and endless mercy 

Ramadan, O holy one, the favorite month of me.

                                                                              Shamsa Anwar

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People in China

Simpleton is the word that describes an average person in China. They love to laugh and they laugh at everything. It may at first appear as if they are laughing at you but soon you realize that they laugh to hide their embarrassment. They get embarrassed over their own ignorance. They are curious about a lot of things because many are not exposed to the outside world.

On a visit to China, one should be ready for the unabashed stares as they keenly watch foreigners but there's no malice or insult in those looks. They merely want to learn. Everything new amuses them. Perfect copy cats, they can imitate almost anything.

They like to stay in groups for support but they have strong sense of personal interest. It's based on the instincts of survival. Long years of one child policy has produced many who have no siblings or cousins. Being a single child of parents, who in their turn, are single child in their parents household, means not learning to share. They have to look after themselves.

Getting ahead is a big desire. There's a lot of pressure to succeed and make room for themselves in an overcrowded country. Jabbing and elbowing is common in a society that lacks the basic training of getting in perfect lines and respecting others' rights. Pushing through crowds is a general practice, necessity and habit.

All this does not mean that they rush or run. They work studiously at a slow pace. It's the secret of their success. They don't have much, so they set small goals and get happy at every little achievement. A habit of continuous effort means steadily moving forward. They succeed, taking small steps at a time and hence go a long way. Relentless in their pursuits, they never give up. Lack of exposure gives them a focused thinking. It's easy for them not to get distracted and lose sight of their set targets. Secretive is their nature but they recognize the strength in unity. 

Obedience is their training but they can find loopholes to rebel behind curtains. It's very difficult to ever judge what's in their minds as they are experts at hiding their true feelings. They keep to themselves and hardly ever start the conversation with unfamiliar faces. They appear shy but it's not modesty. It's self consciousness. They are extremely sensitive to National image that emerges from a strong sense of patriotism. 

Over all, they are very simple people who are learning to enjoy the outside influences. They are eager to learn and embrace. Fun loving, hard working humans. They are humans just like any other Nationality. What makes them different and sets them apart is their unique traditions, history, culture and heritage which is changing rapidly due to influx of foreign exposure and influence. 

                                                                                          Shamsa Anwar

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Givers & Takers

Life is a name of give and take but some people are by nature takers just like some are givers.

The problem with takers is their selfishness. Such people are so felt focused that there is no room left for empathy. They can never be satisfied because no matter how much they take, they think of it as their right. They take advantages of other kind. 

Their hearts are very narrow. It's not that they don't do good or never give but they lack compassion. There are always motives behind their acts of generosity. They also never forget what they do for others but rarely keep tabs on what others give them.

Their demanding nature is not very obvious as they are manipulators. They don't necessarily have a superiority complex. Many times they lack self confidence and their greed is based on an unending desire to be better by accumulating more and more. 

They secretly compete with others and this competition is root cause of their unhappiness. They are jealous and envious of achievements of others. Their own achievements make them snobbish as they want to make others jealous of them, the same way they feel about others.

Their jealousy and competition are the driving forces behind their worldly successes if they work hard. The more they get, the more greedy they become. They use others as step stones to achieve their goals. They forget favors and take things for granted.

The givers are people who are more focused on others. They are exact opposite of takers. They drive joy in seeing others find happiness. They are facilitators. They work hard for others. They seem restless because they always strive for others but they have an inner peace. They may not appear happy as they get sad over tears of others, yet their souls are satisfied. 

Givers, in general, suffer a lot. This suffering is based on kindness and good intentions. They are often misunderstood, misused and abused. People take advantage of them. Takers think of them as foolish because takers fail to understand their selfless natures. 

Givers often get hurt by the selfishness of takers but they cannot stop themselves because their generous nature compels them to keep on giving. Experience and time are great teachers. Many wizen up, learn from their mistakes and find ways to stop takers from taking them for granted.

There's a majority of people who are both takes and givers under different circumstances, bringing a mix of various proportions and some balance in between.

                                                                                                              Shamsa Anwar.

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Polish every Relationship

Judge

Sex Sells

Today I watched a reality program on tv named "Paternity Court".

The case was about a woman who was not sure if her one year old child was her ex boyfriend's...

Entertainment industry is based on shock strategy. They produce sensational news and stories to gain attention and attract viewers. After the initial shock wears off, the audience start accepting and following the trend. Before too long, the very shocking thing becomes norm. The entertainment industry searches for more spice to bring it to the setting trend in order to keep the "sensational" aspect alive, adding fuel to the hype. And the cycle goes on.

Nothing sells like sex and is a pet subject of all entertainment industry. Sex unites two individuals who become one in the moment and the act culminates in a miracle as another life is born. It's a beautiful concept but a grave responsibility that calls for maturity and a sense of accountability. 

Entertainment media should wake up and realize it's major role in shaping young minds and setting trends. It is a great tool that can promote right social values and set future patterns. 

                      Shamsa Anwar.

My Book

Double Standards

"He's a ladies man", I quietly listened to the lady sitting in the chair next to me, proudly boasting about her son's popularity among girls, while the beautician worked on her hair. The same lady was talking about someone else, her family friend and his flirting habits in negatives terms, only a few minutes back.

It made me think how differently we look at things that belong to us. It is as if we have two visions. One rose tinted one for ourselves and a misty, dense shade for others. 

We use softer tones for ourselves and harsher ones for everyone else. A mother boasts proudly about her son being a ladies man while the same thing casts dark shadows on any other man's character. 

The difference lies in "us" verses "them" mentality.

We tend to minimize our faults while highlighting that of others. This is one of the main reasons why people refuse to see their own shortcomings. It's easy to find excuses for our own behavior and even easier to judge others. An alcoholic always denies the fact that he or she has no control. An addict always think that he or she can stop at any time and refuses help. The most difficult thing is to scrutinize our own behavior and finding mistakes. Owning up to those mistakes is the first step towards correcting them.

Deep down we all love ourselves. That is why we often fail to judge our own actions. Same principle applies to things we consider ours. Love makes us blind to the shortcomings in our loved ones. Have you ever noticed how people never see fault in their own children? It's because they love them as their own. This world would be a beautiful place if we treated others like we treated our own.

I've read reports where scientists have proven by studies that we tend to fall in love with people who resemble our own facial structures. Mirror always tells us that no one is more beautiful than us. We love our reflections. I wish we would see our reflections in others. This way, we would be able to see the unique beauty in everyone that makes the person the most beautiful one of all.

We are all human. We share the same basic emotions. Kindness, compassion, love and empathy are sentiments that are honored by every beating heart. Only if we would start practicing them. Then more hearts would be smiling and heart aches would disappear. The way our hearts fill up with happiness at the smiles of our own children, I wish that our hearts would smile the same way at the joys of every other human being. What we want for ourselves, we should wish the same for others. Whatever terms we use to describe ourselves, we should use the same for others. That lady was boasting about her son's popularity among ladies. I wish she were instead talking about his character and his chivalry, things she would expect in others.

                                                                                                            Shamsa Anwar

A Prayer for my Children

I can pray for every child but

I'm always at a loss, when it comes to my own.

I do raise my hands, but every time,

words feel like bars of cages 

that put constraints on the flights.

How can I ever put, bounds on infinity?

I turn to my Lord and surrender my will.

My every heart beat, each and every breath, 

my whole life....

is a prayer for my kids.

Epiphany

I know what you did!

He was on the stretcher in a room. It was temporary because the staff had gone to arrange for the room and paperwork with my mom and brother. I and my husband were with him. 

He asked for water. There was no water in the room.

 His wish was always my command. 

I looked in the corridor everywhere, there was no water fountain. I was conscious of my non covered head. I came back. Begged my husband to go further, ask someone for water. He was reluctant. I insisted. He went. 

I could see dad trying to say something. He could not talk. I could not understand. I was frantic. My father had asked me for water and I was not able to get it for him. 

My husband went and came back empty handed. I tried to convince him to go once again. 

I noticed father was using every bit of energy to say something. He said ... You go.

I could not stop. I forgot everything. Like an insane person, I ran in every direction.

Saw cafeteria sign. Went in there. Asked for water. I thought it would be free. The guy said I had to pay. I told him I could pay later. He would not listen. I told him about my dad. He won't understand saying hospital should provide for the patient.

I ran back to the room. Asked my husband for money. He had a credit card. I ran back with the card. The guy said they did not take cards. I was going out of my mind. I took out my engagement ring, gave it to him, begging him for a bottle of water. He returned the ring with the water. Said keep both.

I started running, shouting back that I would pay for it as soon as I get the money from home. Which I did.

I put the bottle to dad's mouth. He barely wet his lips. 

I was thinking. He could not drink. He MADE me get it. 

He knew I would get it at all costs. 

He was trying to teach me not to rely on anyone. 

Not to depend on any other. 

He was sending a message. 

He could not talk. 

He did not know if I would ever get the letter he had written two years ago and which was buried in his files. 

I knew at that moment, seeing him look at me, what he had done!He had shown me my own capability. 

I had done what my own could not. 

He had shown me my own determination and resolve.

He was trying to teach me to rely on my own judgement and power.

He was telling me I could do anything I wanted if I tried.

                                                                                         Shamsa Anwar

Melt in Love

MELT IN LOVE

Valentine's week ended with a lots of love quotes and shares on social media. A verse struck a cord during all that love talk. Someone had shared a verse "melt, melt slowly in my arms" and that gave me a pause to reflect and think.

What does it really mean?

After a long deliberation, I think I understood it's persuasive nature.

It's the game of wooing.

This is something which I wouldn't know because to me, there is no holding back in love. There's no slow melting. It's an instantaneous melt as if a candle is placed on the burning stove. Love demands that. It's the power of love that takes away all other senses of resistance.

Persuasion is needed where there's a lack of willingness. The person falls head over heels in love. The state is pure liquid form where one molds exactly according to the dictates of love. No question remains of slow melt or friction.

                                                                                                  Shamsa Anwar

SISTERS

I looked at my smile...

As a twinkle in her eyes...

And I understood!

What I had been searching for...

Making friends and many foes...

Yearning years in the rows...

The connection and the ties...

Once I had known it up close...

Now, miles are in between...

The time has played the role...

Yet it was never gone...

I saw her after years,

For a blink of an eye...

And I understood...

Nothing can ever take it away...

Me sister is my best friend.

Art & Photo @ Shamsa Anwar 2015

HAPPINESS

HAPPINESS

Everyone wants it. They spend lives searching for it, running after it.

People treat it as a goal. It's not an end. It's a passing yet a recurring phase, the memory of which lingers on. 

It's a state so addicting that one yearns for it all life.

What is it?

It's a sense of satisfaction.

It's an experience where one feels most natural.

For many it's a mirage. They run after it yet it eludes them.

Most associate this state with fulfillment of desires. 

Some think of it as dreams coming true.

Basic problem is the approach.

Worldly satisfaction through exchange of money is never going to bring an everlasting state of happiness. 

Humans forget their nature in the pursuit of their desires.

 Their core understands the fickleness of this world. 

The soul is never satisfied by the physical comfort purchased at its neglect. 

Mortal body is going to decay at death. It's the soul that will carry on. 

Until and unless we satisfy that soul, we are never going to achieve true happiness that brings in peace. 

That joy lies in answering the call to our true selves.

Recognizing and fulfilling our responsibility, duty and rights are the pavements of the road to true happiness and satisfaction.

50 SHADES OF GREY

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY

Part of me did not want to watch the movie but I wanted to write on the topic, so I went and watched it in theaters. The movie turned out to be an absolute disappointment with nothing much to offer. I failed to understand how anyone could associate this movie with romance or love.

It's about a sick man who derives sexual pleasure out of torturing women. Some call it S & M. The movie calls it Dominant & Submissive relationship. The reality remains that one person inflicts pain on the other. What makes it okay? Is it the thousand dollar leather belt he uses to whip her because I am sure anyone would be enraged if this was a ten dollars belt in the hands of a husband raised on his wife.

People argue consent. Really? We talk about freedom and condemn slavery but it's okay if such games are played behind closed doors, out of clothes? Doesn't that show certain aggressive tendencies?

The movie shows that she allows such abuse because she loves him. What kind of a message is being conveyed to young girls, who by the way, are flocking the movie theaters. I am sick to my stomach reading post after post on social media about girls screaming how hot Mr. Grey is! He is a very repulsive and cold blooded character in the movie, yet girls are fantacizing about him because he's the rich billionaire who buys stuff and controls his woman.
Control!

Women by nature have submissive tendencies. They let go of their virginities when they form relationships, allow another person to penetrate deep inside their bodies. Carry his seed and bring forth another life after nourishing it within for nine months. Men, on the other hand, have natural tendency to be dominating due to physical structure and strength. These natural tendencies are subtle and actually help bring in a balance to the relationship like two wheels of a bicycle. It doesn't matter which wheel is at the front and which is at the back as both are equally needed and important for the entire function.

The key factor in a man and woman relationship is respect. Both have strong points and individual weaknesses. One's strength complements other's weakness. There is equality despite differences.

Problem arises when one starts abusing and dominating the other. Society looks down on verbal and physical abuse but keeps mum on sexual practices. Usually it's okay for consenting adults to indulge in consensual activities but when we glorify such tendencies, we open up doors to a whole new set of issues. For example, we all know certain people are already into such stuff but many couples stay away from it. A much talked about movie tells the youngsters that it's okay to experiment such stuff. The hesitation is gone. Girls fantasize being Ann who might be able to change Christian through her love, not realizing that such people never change.

No woman should ever allow a man to raise hand on her or vice versa. Respect in sexual relationship is essential for a peaceful and durable relationship. A man who is aroused by verbally or physically inflicting pain on his woman, is not worthy of any woman and same goes for woman too. It horrifies me when I hear a girl tell that she loved being choked during sexual intercourse. What sort of relationship is that? Does she not realize that she could die? What sort of man is he who makes love to her watching her in such a painful state? One thing I can assure you, a household formed on such a relationship, will never be blissful or find peace.

Love & Attachment

I'm always surprised to hear people say not to form attachments in love.

True that love is all about letting go of self but that in itself is an attachment because one sacrifices for the beloved. Bonds are formed and expectations emerge in love.

Even the Creator has expectations from us. Our love attaches us to Him. We surrender our will to His will through this attachment and devotion. This surrender is not a one time thing. It needs a constant effort and renewal.

The most selfless love on earth is of a mother's and that too is based on attachment and expectations of fulfilling the duties of that title. A child's welfare is dependent on that attachment.

A parent's love and prayers are always needed and have special meaning and place in a person's life, regardless of age, due to the relationship between the person and the parent. 

Relationships are attachments. Attachments give rise to expectations. There are expectations from each relationship, be it sibling, family or spouse.

Non legal relationships like friendships are also based on expectations of loyalty and sincerity. There are unsaid promises to honor and respect each other. 

Love demands sacrifice from the ones in love but love itself has a huge ego as it does not tolerate insult and degradation of itself, or of the loved one. Love puts the lover on the pedestal and forgets about the rest. This is attachment. Devotion is attachment.