"He's a ladies man", I quietly listened to the lady sitting in the chair next to me, proudly boasting about her son's popularity among girls, while the beautician worked on her hair. The same lady was talking about someone else, her family friend and his flirting habits in negatives terms, only a few minutes back.
It made me think how differently we look at things that belong to us. It is as if we have two visions. One rose tinted one for ourselves and a misty, dense shade for others.
We use softer tones for ourselves and harsher ones for everyone else. A mother boasts proudly about her son being a ladies man while the same thing casts dark shadows on any other man's character.
The difference lies in "us" verses "them" mentality.
We tend to minimize our faults while highlighting that of others. This is one of the main reasons why people refuse to see their own shortcomings. It's easy to find excuses for our own behavior and even easier to judge others. An alcoholic always denies the fact that he or she has no control. An addict always think that he or she can stop at any time and refuses help. The most difficult thing is to scrutinize our own behavior and finding mistakes. Owning up to those mistakes is the first step towards correcting them.
Deep down we all love ourselves. That is why we often fail to judge our own actions. Same principle applies to things we consider ours. Love makes us blind to the shortcomings in our loved ones. Have you ever noticed how people never see fault in their own children? It's because they love them as their own. This world would be a beautiful place if we treated others like we treated our own.
I've read reports where scientists have proven by studies that we tend to fall in love with people who resemble our own facial structures. Mirror always tells us that no one is more beautiful than us. We love our reflections. I wish we would see our reflections in others. This way, we would be able to see the unique beauty in everyone that makes the person the most beautiful one of all.
We are all human. We share the same basic emotions. Kindness, compassion, love and empathy are sentiments that are honored by every beating heart. Only if we would start practicing them. Then more hearts would be smiling and heart aches would disappear. The way our hearts fill up with happiness at the smiles of our own children, I wish that our hearts would smile the same way at the joys of every other human being. What we want for ourselves, we should wish the same for others. Whatever terms we use to describe ourselves, we should use the same for others. That lady was boasting about her son's popularity among ladies. I wish she were instead talking about his character and his chivalry, things she would expect in others.
Shamsa Anwar
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