No One Saw Her Cry!

People said she never cried!

They said that she did not cry when her husband died! She was born two generations before me in a very religious household. She was thirteen when she got engaged to her cousin but a few weeks before the marriage, he got diagnosed with tuberculosis which had no cure in those days and the patients were usually quarantined in sanitariums at some hilly resorts.

The elders in the family were faced with the dilemmas of who was going to take care of the patient and what to do about the wedding? They deliberated and all agreed that it was her destiny to be his wife and hence her duty to take care of him. So the wedding plans went through. She was sent to live with him on the top floor of the four storied house. No one else was allowed on the fourth floor for the fear of catching the deadly virus. Only she was the go between the patient and other family members.

No one saw her cry as day after  day she brought food for him from the ground floor and nursed him at night as his condition worsened. No one saw any tears as she prayed day and night while cleaning his coughed out blood.  She did not even cry when within months, her sixteen year old husband died, leaving her a thirteen year old widow who was still a pure virgin. She simply went back to her parents house with a stone silence!

Three years later, her parents married her to a successful businessman. She secretly nicknamed him Giant, because that's what he reminded her of. Everyone loved and feared Giant. They loved him for his open heart and warm nature but feared his temper. He was a self made man who supported and established his family after his father passed away in his early childhood. People said that he had the Midas touch. Everything he touched turned to gold. He bought houses for his siblings on the same block and started businesses for them. Family members faithfully paid daily visits to his house out of respect. His word was considered the law. He was conscious of his position as the head of the family and enjoyed it.

She loved her husband but there was a gap between them that was bigger than the biggest ocean. His strong nature could never understand her shyness and she could never explain to him why was she that way. He taught her how to drive at the time and in a society where cars were a luxury, but he had to take her outside the city, to the remote locations to drive. She simply did not feel comfortable driving in traffic. The noise of the engines, horns and congestion on the roads scared her.

He loved crowds and crowds frightened her. He was loud. His talk, his laughter, his expressions...everything were loud. She had difficulty raising her voice to her own children. She never scolded them in her entire life. she had the most gentlest of hearts. He loved travels. She preferred the security of home. He had a summer house at the popular resort. Every summer, she looked forward to the two month retreat away from the city life.

They had four children. Two girls and two boys. No one saw her cry when her younger daughter got diagnosed with Epilepsy as a toddler. She simply cut off from all social activity outside her house. Her own house remained the hub of daily visitors. She quietly greeted everyone. People felt for her, loved her, respected her but always wondered how she never complained.She was not very vocal in her conduct. A simpleton at heart, she found peace in keeping herself busy in household chores. Giant could not understand why she loved to slog in the kitchen whole day despite a platoon of kitchen maids.

He also could never understand why she would always disappear whenever he entered the house in the evenings from work. He expected her to share time with him but she always found excuses to leave the room. She could never tell him how scared she was of him. She feared his temper. He could lose temper at the drop of a hat and raise his voice. He would yell at the servants if there was a minute's delay in opening the front gate. He would be bad tempered if a business deal did not go thought that day, so he would find reasons to unleash his anger on the household help. This scared her. She did not like anyone raising voice to others, but she kept quiet and  never complained.

She always prayed that God softened his temper and God answered her prayers but how? He went for a minor surgery which went wrong. His left side was completely and right side was partially paralyzed after he wake up from a three day coma. The kids were still in school and he was on the bed for the rest of his life. 

Her life change overnight. Their son had to quit school to overtake the family business. She, who had difficulty talking to strangers, had to step outside the house and deal with all sorts of strangers to run a household in crisis. As income went down and days turned into months and months into years, her hair turned white and wrinkles appeared on her silent face but still no one heard her complain or cry. For seven long years she took care of her paralyzed husband along with the ailing daughter. She never described to anyone the pain, the hurt, the fear, the heartbreak. She never spoke of the hardships of dwindling income and children growing up in the grips of constant fear. She did not cry to anyone about her Giant's bedridden state. He died six months after their daughter passed away in her twenties. Their hearts cried for her as she sat with a deadly silence etched on her face among the people gathered to pay their condolences.

I watched her journey as a child and growing up. I never heard her complain. I never saw her cry either, except when she would raise her hands in prayer and then there would be no end to that stream of tears and she would cry and cry and cry without saying a word!