A Firm Belief!

Picture taken from Internet 

I don't remember what year it was! I was a child running for my life. I managed to turn my head without breaking the momentum of my frantic speed. There was a sea of people following me with varying expressions of worry, scare and concern. Reaching the sky behind that crowd was the giant monster!

We were in a tent in Mina during Hajj when my mother suddenly picked up my brother in her lap and holding my hand in one hand and my sister's in the other started running out of that tent. On the way out, I noticed that we were not the only ones. Everyone was doing the same. Once outside our tent, we became part of a madly running crowd of people. An onlooker would have had difficulty recognizing a loved one in that crowd of millions, all wearing white. The faces, ages, races and backgrounds were blurred in the moment. Everyone was merely a person trying to escape that monster of a fire that started in a tent.

In those days, almost every year there was a fire incident during Hajj despite all the efforts. Mina is called a city of tents. Throughout the year, the place is an empty valley with surrounding hills. One a regular day it is difficult to imagine that this valley can accommodate more than five million people but it does! Every year during Hajj season the place comes to life with rows of white tents. These days there are hardly any fire incidents (thank God) as individuals are not allowed to do private cooking and the tents are also fire proof but such was not the case in the year I'm talking about. The fire started and spread within minutes and panic ensued.

I could smell the fire and see the flying ashes and debris of burning tents before I actually saw that monster. Yes, that's how the fire appeared to me. A towering orange and yellow monster advancing towards us with outstretched hands that seemed to grab everything in its path.

As I looked behind me at that hungry monster, I had no doubt that it had consumed our tent in its stride. While clutching my mother's hand and running at a speed that I did not know I was capable of, there was only one question in my mind. Shouting above the  deafening noise of running feet, screams, and hissing of burning flames, I asked my mother where my father was. He had gone to sacrifice the lambs, one of the ritual of Hajj. My mother had no answer. All she could shout was that Allah will protect him and asked me to pray for his safety.

I have no idea how long we ran. There was no sense of direction or time. We were just running. Our number one concern was not to lose leach other. I had heard so many tales of people getting lost and never found or found dead that I could not let go of my mother's hand even after we finally were able to stop. Out of breath and exhausted, I could barely make sense of the talk around me that the fire was finally extinguished. There were helicopters crowding the sky and fire engines everywhere.

Slowly, after a long time, we started retreating our steps like the rest. People were going back to check the damage. My mother has an excellent sense of direction and courage. I saw an example of it that day. In a city of white tents where many veterans lose their sense of direction, she was able to lead us right back to our tent and miraculously it was intact, untouched by that monster of a fire. The fire had stopped a block before the compound of our tent area. The remnants of burnt tent pieces were scattered in our tent compound that wind had carried over there. There was shock, disbelief and gratitude written all over faces and in hearts. My father was already there with a panicked expression on his face. He had been worried sick about our safety. Many tents were consumed by fire and many lives were lost that day.

I can still smell the burn, feel the scorching heat and see the ugly monstrous face of that fire in my mind whenever I think of that day but there is also a rejuvenated sense of one belief. This childhood incident gave me this unshakeable belief that no one can ever harm us or benefit us if God does not allow it! I was one hundred percent sure that day that the fire had consumed our tent but God saved it for us. In millions of people where so many lost their belongings or their way, we were saved. The fire came so close to us but we were saved. My father was away while my mother ran with three small kids but we were saved and reunited. It was not our doing. It was all Almighty. He saved us. He protected us. HE PROTECTS US!

What do you do when you feel that certain way?

It takes a lot for me to be envious of someone. It is usually a fleeting emotion on the rare occasions when I do feel envy. I consider it a huge blessing and some might envy me for that but the truth is that it is a learned attitude. Someone very righteous, very dear, taught me how to overcome any feelings in life.

I was a teenager when it happened one day. My father's close friend back stabbed him. His right was denied to him by the hand of his own friend. I was boiling with rage but my father quietly went about the daily routine. He used to take short afternoon naps. That day, as he retired to his room after lunch, I followed him after a while doubting that he would be able to sleep. The door was open and he was lying on his back with arms folded over his eyes. As I was about to turn, he called me in with his usual sweet smile and soft voice. I sat down next to him and finally gathered my wits to ask him the question that was on my mind for some time.

I asked him if he ever felt angry or close to loosing his temper because I had never seen him retaliate to any personal hurt. I asked if he did not feel any negative emotion at all. He smiled his most affectionate smile and patted my head in his most familiar gesture and said, "My dearest daughter, perhaps I feel anger more than all of you. Perhaps the rage that rises in my heart is stronger than any of you have ever felt! My dearer than life daughter, I feel it strongly but then, it is at this precise moment that I know what I need to do. It will not mean anything if I do not feel the anger but it does mean a lot when I do and then decide how to react upon it! When I get angry I remember that Islam teaches patience. My religion teaches me to control my emotions. So, my sweetest child, I feel rage and all those emotions but the intensity of my own emotions remind me to practice restraint taught by our religion. Remember, this is what the religion is for...to be practiced!"

It's been years since I had this conversation with my dad and a long time since he passed away but the echo of his words never dies in my heart. It is my guiding light. I may wander off now and then but it never stops sending signals and brining me home.

And The Train Left...

Recently I was left behind on a subway station when the train door closed while my husband had stepped in. I gestured to him that I'll stay where I was. We were in a foreign country with no friends or relatives. No one spoke English or our language and we did not know their's either. Our destination was at least twenty plus stations away with an exchange of trains in between and I did not want to get lost.

I turned and eagerly watched the oncoming trains, waiting for my husband to come fetch me. While standing there I remembered another incident many years ago...

I was in fifth grade and visiting my uncle with my family in Europe when the same thing happened. Everyone was inside when the train door closed. I saw my uncle's hand trying to convey a message. I did not understand what he was trying to say. I had two options. Go or stay! I was very familiar with the route, a fact that my uncle also knew quite well. I could easily reach the destination. Was that what my uncle was trying to say? Follow them in the next train? Or did he want me to stay put? I had no idea. I almost felt like getting into the next train but something in my heart said that they would come back and fetch me. I know my family. The thought of not going back was something they would not harbor and sure shot, right there was my uncle coming out of the next train. Everyone else waited at the next stop while he returned to come escort me. I felt so secure knowing my instincts were right and joy coursed through my veins at seeing the relief on the faces of my family as they saw me disembark from that train with my uncle. I can never forget that experience.

I could still smile remembering that childhood moment as I stood there waiting for my husband but I felt very out of place in that foreign land by myself. My eyes searched impatiently the sea of unfamiliar faces coming out of the sliding doors to find that one familiar face. I felt such surge of love for my husband that I was quite sure I'd run into his arms the minute I'd see him. I looked frantically at each emerging face in both directions from every approaching train. Time seemed to lengthen and then drag. I lost count of the number of trains after a while ...but there was no sign of him.

Finally it dawned on me that he was not coming back thinking that I would follow him by a train. The novelty of the idea felt like a punch. I could not digest the fact that he would do so and more than that it was so beyond my own comprehension. So many years and still we did not understand each other's signals! By that time forty five minutes had elapsed and I knew that he would be about to reach the destination. I had a cell phone but he never carries one. What if I started and he decided to return after realizing that I had not followed? Again, I had to decide what to do! I opted to wait. It seemed a much safer alternative.

I finally sat down on a chair with my aching legs. My phone rang. It was his colleague calling to find out where I was. He had called her from the destination using a phone booth, asking her to call me! To make it short, a couple of more phone calls from her and we decided that I'd stay there while he'd come fetch me.

My feelings had a roller coaster ride while I tried to keep a grip on myself as I sat there waiting for him, mentally and emotionally exhausted. The initial surge of love had turned to bewilderment which gave way to astonishment, anger, rage, disappointment, loneliness and finally the worst of them all, self pity. My whole life with my husband flashed through my mind in those two hours with special focus on disappointments. I had much difficulty remembering the jolly times in those moments.

It was not a very big or unusual incident but the timing, place and my own ability to misjudge the situation unnerved me. I thought of some other times and it appeared to me as if my life was like a train passing through a long black tunnel, so long that no light appeared at the end. I felt really down and let down but then I remembered that I had crossed many such tunnels and there was always an exit from each one. Life is a train ride with changing scenery at every moment and yes there are dark tunnels and passages but what really matters is the ride. With all our misunderstandings, differences and let downs what really mattered at the end was that we cared, we loved and we were committed to that love. The love mattered! The commitment mattered and WE mattered to each other! The rest was trivial.

I did run into his arms when he finally arrived there after more than two hours!

I Love Control!

I like being in control! Before you start judging me, first hear me out.

There are two kinds of people with control. The ones who are in control and then there are controlling people. Do not confuse them as one since both are very different sorts of people with entirely different mind sets. Controlling people want things done their way. They are the manipulators. They can be hypocrites too. They are usually selfish and self centered people. They rarely care about others and always control the ones in their lives. They like to dictate if in power, but can be puppet masters working behind the scenes as well. Whether explicit or implicit, their conduct revolves around making others bend to their wishes.

The people in control, on the other hand, are the ones who exert control over themselves and through that they are able to manage any situation. They can be compassionate leaders in power and contended quiet souls in general. Often times, this inner calm and contentment impress others who look up to them in awe. This awe leads to envy and jealousy at times. All they see is the control in such situations. They fail to see its source. The source is the inner contentment. Some are born with it but anyone can achieve it through practice. Religion and moral values preach this kind of control. The purpose of this control is not to have power over others but rather self restraint.

Self restraint is an exercise that needs routine and discipline to bear fruit. In an era where fruits are being quickly ripened by artificial means, majority fails to practice patience. They want instant results at all costs. People want peace and associate it with control but fail to realize that it is the self control and not the control over others that brings this peace. Patience needs to be learned, practiced and implemented for this purpose. And yes, I desire and want this kind of control!  

Sexual Freedom & the institution of Marriage!

Sex!
The mere mention of the word gets the attention. In many Eastern societies it's still a taboo to discuss sex in public while West flaunts it openly. Internet has opened wide many vestibules of awareness everywhere. Sex, sexuality, sex appeal, phone sex, sexting....there are so many related terms that are floating around. A flood of wanted and unwanted information is sweeping the majority off their feet while a minority is struggling to stand against the torrential currents.

Lets face it! The very first relation formed between humans on earth was sexual. I was questioned once if I believed that Adam and Eve were married. I do. What is marriage? Marriage is a bond between two human beings (traditionally and religiously, between a man and a woman) in which they commit to one another. So yes, by all definitions, Adam and Eve were husband and wife.

Sex is a relationship that becomes sacred through the institution of marriage. Outside the sanctity of marriage, the same relationship becomes a sin as adultery or fornication, (even among consenting adults) and a crime as pedophilia or rape.

Sex is a basic human need. Like all needs, it is a human weakness. Weaknesses need to be guarded and watched carefully under all circumstances. In case of humans, Satan is our eternal enemy. He is always searching for human weaknesses. Religion and societies use marriage to secure this weakness. It is not a hundred percent guaranteed solution but it does work most of the time. Marriage is the legal freedom for the partners involved to fulfill their needs. It brings in responsibility and consequences.

Marriage is a bond and human nature is to go for freedom. Actually, human nature is for submission...submission to the Creator, God, but since God has given humans free will to choose, and respite to Satan whose mission is to misguide as many humans as he can, Satan allures humans away from submission to God's laws. Satan was even able to convince Adam and Eve to go against the only restriction imposed on them in the Heaven. Here, on earth, sex is Satan's number one weakness in humans to go after. He uses lust to take away rational thinking from sane humans.

The very first crime committed on earth involved sex. Cain killed Abel for sexual lust. Since then, Satan has used this human weakness as a favorite device to mislead humans. Sexual freedom is always accompanied by moral degradation. Every society, regardless of religious views, agrees upon setting some sort of standards for sexual freedom. Monogamist or polygamist, every nation promotes marriage.

Sexual freedom is still not prevalent in the Eastern societies where family, culture and social pressures keep a tight rein on individual conduct. A lot goes under the table, but at least on the surface, moral grounds are saved. The hippie era brought a flood of sexual experimentation in the West and swept away many moral values. In the name of freedom, the institution of marriage was greatly compromised. Scarlet letter became a medal instead of shame.

A society impetuously bent on promoting self gratification is not willing to teach moral values, religion or self control. Self restraint is considered anti freedom. No one remembers that it's not the first time in history that humans have taken to this road. Every civilization experimented with sexual freedom before it's doom. History is witness to that. Religious books chronicle it. Our conscious tells it.

Surprisingly it's okay for the society if a school hands out condoms to thirteen year old students but scandalous to get thirteen year olds married. The argument is that marriage is a big responsibility and sex is their natural need. Whoa!!! Right there, the society is setting double standards and messing up with nature. The message is to give in to the need, the weakness. It is teaching the young adults to ditch responsibility.

The result is evident everywhere. High schools have daycare centers for the babies of teenage students. Of course the mothers are the ones whose lives get altered for ever as fathers usually disappear in such cases. The welfare system is over burdened by the number of children born out of wedlock to teenage girls. Still the society is reluctant to talk about abstinence!

The broken family system, high divorce rate and dysfunctional families is giving rise to depression, bitterness and mental illnesses. The main victim of the casualty of marriage institution is children. A strong family structure and both parents are needed to raise confident and secure children. As I mentioned in an earlier blog http://shamsasays.blogspot.com/2013/09/its-your-responsibility.html, parents are the ones who are going to set an example for the kids.

The institution of marriage needs to be saved. The young adults need to be taught self control to safeguard their weaknesses. Religion and moral values should be taught. The concept of family, responsibility and consequences should be instilled to secure the future of humanity.

People...they intrigue me!

I travel around the world and meet complete strangers. I don't speak their language and they don't know my customs. Their habits, their life styles and their values vary according to region and religion. They are different individuals practicing various  traditions. They are all unique and different yet there is so much that is common and similar.

Human values and behavior intrigue me! I find it fascinating how honor and integrity has universal appeal. A smile has its own language that even an infant understands and responds to. A frown, an angry voice or a sharp look can alert a person regardless of what language (s)he speaks. Dignity, good manners, soft tone of voice and sophistication don't need any interpreter to inspire awe. Human kindness is a language understood by all.

I love people and they hold my interest. They are complex beings. During my travels, I've met many people, good and bad, but no one is absolute bad or entirely good.They are a mixture. They have different shades of character, some darker, some lighter. The shade of a color they show to another individual varies and depends upon their relationship with that individual and at the moment. Hence, sometimes it's very difficult to categorize them. Even a hard core criminal may show the kindest of emotions and sometimes the gentlest of persons may act most selfishly under a situation.

I see people act differently with different individuals and under different situations and find it extremely difficult to dislike anyone. I can never hate anyone but there are some people in my life who have let me down. I don't think that the people who let me down were bad people. Maybe they were not good for/ towards me but I'm sure that there are people for whom they were very nice and good. Same way, there are people who are very good for me but others may not like them. It's okay.

We all know about chemistry between people. I call it aura. We all have auras around us. We sense it without seeing it. Some call it energy. With some people, no matter how much we try, the chemistry does not work. We feel that negative aura around them, that repels us. The people whose chemistry match, feel a pull towards each other. Their personalities click instantly. This reaction to auras is reflected in the body language.

One can observe this even in children. Actually, children, untainted by learned reflexes, show the best evidence of it. I've witnessed some very shy toddlers bond instantly with complete strangers. On the other hand, many social ones stay away from apparently friendly persons. Overall, since humans are a mix of different traits, we get mixed signals and it takes us time to figure out their auras and ultimately the terms of relationship with them. Once in a while, we cross paths with someone whose personality or aura has a very strong appeal or repulsion for us. They catch our instant attention. Our senses are alerted. Some may call it the sixth sense. We fall in love, form friendships or instant dislikes for such people. If the circumstances or time don't allow a relationship to develop, the persons go away but leave behind a strong memory of that moment, that look, that exchange, that touch....that feeling.

Pure White!

The thought of her reminds me of pure white fresh snow! I don't know her name. I think no one knows her name. Regardless of relation or age, everyone called her Mami Ji, an alias, meaning maternal uncle's wife.

She was born in a Sikh family before India divided into Bhaarat and Pakistan. One day, sometime before the partition and independence of India from Britian in 1947, she walked into a mosque as a young teenage girl to accept Islam. She informed the Imam of the mosque that her house was adjacent to the mosque from where she could hear the Friday sermons. The sermons and their messages inspired her to learn more about Islam. She started learning about the religion on her own and from her Muslim friends. Every Friday, she would wait impatiently for the call to Friday prayer so that she could listen and learn more from the sermon.

She told the Imam that she was not going back home as her parents had given up on her after a lot of trauma and show downs. They had even raised their hands on her and as a last resort were going to marry her off to a Sikh. They gave her the choice to leave the house after she threatened them with suicide in case of a forced marriage.

She accepted Islam and found asylum with the Imam's family in his one room house. That was the time period when Hindu Muslim tensions had just started to brew and Muslims in India were beginning to migrate towards west that later became Pakistan. Muslims, in general, were worried and confused about the over all situation. Futures were insecure and uncertain. Suspicion and doubt were budding in the hearts of neighbors and friends and amongst all this, this young courageous girl had left her family, converted to a minority religion and desperately needed protection. The Imam, himself could not afford to help her for long with his meager income and large family.

The Imam made announcements in the mosque explaining her situation and asking for someone to give her protection through marriage. People were not thinking about marriages in the unstable political situation prevalent throughout the country, plus there was no one available of marriageable age at the moment. Being a minority and conscious of protecting their values, most Muslim families used to get their children engaged and  married at a very young age.

The Imam kept on announcing each day but no one came forward until one day my maternal grandfather's uncle stepped forward. He was already married with kids. His wife was friends with the Imam's wife and had come to know about the whole situation. After observing and analyzing the whole situation, this God fearing woman had asked her own husband to marry this girl to give her protection. She knew that there was no unmarried Muslim man available in the small community and no other woman would be willing to share her husband with another woman. The marriage took place and shortly after that, the whole family with both wives migrated to Pakistan where they had many relatives, including my maternal grandfather.

She lived in Pakistan with her husband, the other wife and children. She went for Hajj with them in the coming years. She never saw her blood relatives or her birthplace ever again. Years later, I met her in my childhood. By this time, she was all white haired. Her husband and the other wife who were quite older than her had perished. She never got to have children of her own. The only relatives she had were through her marriage to her husband. She had no house and no property of her own but every household and every relative loved her like their own. She did not live at a one single place but stayed short periods with different relatives. Everyone competed to host her. She carried a single suitcase that accommodated her entire possessions which were a few change of clothes and some personal hygiene items.

She had no blood ties to anyone but she won hearts. She never asked for anything, always giving. I remember a very cold night, my mother's grandmother had to fetch something from a spare room that was across the courtyard. Everyone hesitated to leave the comfort of the warm cozy living room but Mami Ji immediately offered to accompany her without a second thought.

Her small purse was always full of goodies for small children that she would get from the small allowance she got. She was always distributing these small treats among children. I don't remember a single time when I saw her and she did not give me a candy, an orange or some other such thing. She was always praying if she was not helping others or distributing goodies among children. A smile always played on her lips.

I don't remember if I ever saw her wearing any color. She always wore white. In her white clothes and white hair she looked like an angel. The pure white fresh snow of each winter reminds me of her.