What do you do when you feel that certain way?

It takes a lot for me to be envious of someone. It is usually a fleeting emotion on the rare occasions when I do feel envy. I consider it a huge blessing and some might envy me for that but the truth is that it is a learned attitude. Someone very righteous, very dear, taught me how to overcome any feelings in life.

I was a teenager when it happened one day. My father's close friend back stabbed him. His right was denied to him by the hand of his own friend. I was boiling with rage but my father quietly went about the daily routine. He used to take short afternoon naps. That day, as he retired to his room after lunch, I followed him after a while doubting that he would be able to sleep. The door was open and he was lying on his back with arms folded over his eyes. As I was about to turn, he called me in with his usual sweet smile and soft voice. I sat down next to him and finally gathered my wits to ask him the question that was on my mind for some time.

I asked him if he ever felt angry or close to loosing his temper because I had never seen him retaliate to any personal hurt. I asked if he did not feel any negative emotion at all. He smiled his most affectionate smile and patted my head in his most familiar gesture and said, "My dearest daughter, perhaps I feel anger more than all of you. Perhaps the rage that rises in my heart is stronger than any of you have ever felt! My dearer than life daughter, I feel it strongly but then, it is at this precise moment that I know what I need to do. It will not mean anything if I do not feel the anger but it does mean a lot when I do and then decide how to react upon it! When I get angry I remember that Islam teaches patience. My religion teaches me to control my emotions. So, my sweetest child, I feel rage and all those emotions but the intensity of my own emotions remind me to practice restraint taught by our religion. Remember, this is what the religion is for...to be practiced!"

It's been years since I had this conversation with my dad and a long time since he passed away but the echo of his words never dies in my heart. It is my guiding light. I may wander off now and then but it never stops sending signals and brining me home.