The Fear of Isolation

Humans are social animals. The desire to be accepted, the need to fit in and the urge to belong are the factors that often make people go against their natural instincts.

The fear of being left alone overcomes the innate rational thinking for many. This fear is inherent in human nature. This is the weak spot through which devil always creeps in. Since the beginning of time, people have been going against nature and knowingly making wrong decisions! Why, when they know it's wrong?

Religion says that Satan makes it appealing to humans. Appealing or not, the bottom line is that humans make those choices. Everyone is born with a conscious that distinguishes between right or wrong but it's advice is ignored till it becomes mute because it propositions self control and restrictions, things that human nature abhors.

I hear teenagers do crazy stuff under peer pressure in high schools. Students take extreme measures to please their fraternity members and sororities in colleges. Adults make unthinkable mistakes to fit into the society.

Everyone does it!
It is the norm!
This is the current thing!
I will be an outcast if I don't do it.
No one will talk to me.
I don't want to be left alone.

We are all familiar with the "While in Rome, do what the Romans do" thinking and reasoning to mingle.
Wrong.
I say.
Do not do what the Romans do unless you believe in it.
Stand your grounds.
Know who you are and make your choices according to your own beliefs.
Yes.
Believe in "something".
Search, learn and believe. It will give you strength. It will bring the confidence to find your own voice under pressure and to stand up against the wind.
Do not just go with the wind. Think and ponder. Analyze and rationalize. Weigh and choose and choose wisely.
Always sail for the truth. Soar high for justice and stand firm against oppression and evil. There is absolutely no excuse to support the corrupt. Do not fear isolation. The truth has the ability to endure till eternity. Believe in the truth and yourself. It might take time but the masses will follow.

The Cattiness in Women

Women are more catty in general than men. Not that men don't manipulate, cut throat compete or spew venom when being vicious but women take the game to a whole new level under the same circumstances. The reason is the weaker sex's ability to express her emotions. She is good at it! It's her own forte! She observes, analyzes, hoards, plots and vents out her emotions with minute details.

Women's physicality gives them an inbred insecurity which makes them fine observers and detail oriented. Their monthly hormonal cycles bring in emotional pendulums which gets them familiar with mood swings and changes. It helps them understand various forms of expressions, hence they are more romantic, loving, caring....and yes, more spiteful!

Patriarchal societies have often called women a mystery. She intrigues history by her emotional extremes. Men can never understand her ability of unlimited sacrifice. It comes naturally to her as a mother. A loving father's love can never outrun a loving mother's love. Its another thing if a mother chooses to be selfish and intentionally puts her child's love at the back burner. Unfortunately, there are many such examples but by nature, no man would be willing to undergo what a woman, willingly endures to become a mother.

Her love for her man is also unique. She wants to belong and this desire enables her to put her man before her. She lets him take the wheel while she sits on the passenger side but that doesn't mean that she relaxes and lets her hair down. She is all too well aware of his roving eye and her own biological clock. Her insecurity makes her wary of competition and keeps her on watch.

This inherent emotional mix of sacrifice, belonging and insecurity makes her vulnerable. Vulnerability breeds suspicion and doubt. Suspicion leads to fear that results in offensive attacks to subdue the opponent before an incursion. Vulnerability is like a scared wild beast that lashes out in fear. Education, self restraint and high moral codes are needed to tame this beast or it goes ugly. In the Western societies where moral values are on the decline and self control is a taboo in general, women's cattiness is widespread while in the Eastern cultures, it is hidden behind veils.

Probably, this has been one of the major reasons why women have been suppressed throughout history. There has always been more restrictions imposed on women than men. True, that it is always easier to exert power on the weak but to think of women as weak would be a big mistake. She might be physically weak but she sure is way stronger in the emotional compartment. Again, the reason being her ability to vent out her emotions. Her strongest strength lies in her child bearing ability and responsibility. She carries and nurtures the future in her belly. She influences the next generations. She is the mother of all. She needs to be responsible, sensible and in control ....and THAT is why there has always been more instructions for women than men because with responsibility comes accountability.

I, too, am HUMAN

Bibi Ji said the same thing to me today that she has said many times over the years. Bibi Ji is my malikan. Malikan means owner. I'm not her slave. I work for her but everyone in my profession call their employees by this title, so do I.

Bibi Ji is a real kind woman. I remember how happy she was when I told her about my comfort when the Metro system started. No longer I had to change two buses to reach to her house daily. It saved me two hours on a round trip which meant that I could work an extra house to earn money.

My Bibi Ji had asked me the same question today, "Hajirah, why don't you leave this man?".

She will never understand. She sees my bruises and she feels pity for me. She gets upset when she learns that he takes away all my earnings and wastes it on drugs. She gets annoyed at learning that he still isn't working anywhere and never will because he lies in bed whole day intoxicated and beats me up on my returns.

Bibi Ji says I should leave him!
She doesn't understand why I can't!
I cannot.
He is my man. He is the father of my children.
So what if he doesn't earn a dime?
So what if he hits me and leave me black and blue?
So what if he spends my hard earned money on drugs and sends me to earn more?
So what if he is less than half of a man to others?
He is still, somewhat of a man.
People know he's my man.
No one in the area troubles me and my daughters because they know that there's a man in the house.
His presence counts!

My name is Hajirah. I am a Christian but my parents gave me this Muslim name because our country is a Muslim country. Plus Hajirah is the Arabic name for Hagar in the Bible. I've never studied bible. Actually I cannot read or write anything. I only go to Church on special occasions like Christmas or a wedding. My mother told me that my forefathers were Hindus. At that time Pakistan and Bangladesh used to be part of India as a single country. My forefathers were called the untouchables (also known as Shudar or Dalit) because we belonged to the lowest cast of Hindus. We were not allowed any physical touch with the rest of the casts. Our cast was not allowed to go to school and get any education or even allowed to wear shoes in the presence of members of other cast systems. We could not drink the water from the same well or even touch their utensils. The only job given to us was of janitorial services.

In those days, most of the houses in India did not have sewage system. Toilet rooms used to have a hole in the seat over a pan or simply a pan for the purpose. Our jobs were to clean that pan. We used to empty the pan in our carts and bring it outside the city to dump it near the area where we lived. This was the dirtiest of all jobs. We lived near filth and were treated like filth.

Under British rule, many Christian missionaries came to India on the mission. They educated the people of our cast that they were as much human as the Brahmans (the highest cast). They convinced the people of Shudar cast that they would gain equal status by converting to Christianity and go to Heaven after death. This was something like finding Paradise in life. My forefathers had never envisioned a life of equal status. The were beyond ecstatic to hear that their children could live a life away from this filth. They could go to school, find other jobs and live a decent living. They could shake hands with other humans! The missionaries won the hearts of my forefathers, the majority of whom converted to Christianity.

We got self respect but the rest did not change much. Now our children could go to Christian schools for education but only a minority of children were sent. The majority still kept working in the same family business of cleaning other people's filth since they needed extra hands to help make ends meet. Children started helping as soon as they were able to carry a pot.

In 1947 the country got her freedom and was divided into two new countries, India and Pakistan. The area where we lived became a Muslim country Pakistan. I was born in Pakistan. My family lived on the outskirts of the city. We live in tin and mud huts. We are not recognized by our cast because Islam does not believe in cast system. Christians are called people of the book in Quran, the Muslim's holy book. In Pakistan, we are not known by our cast or religion but by our profession. We are called Bhungi which means the janitor. All the Janitor class in my colony of mud and tin huts is Christian. We daily go to the city and clean people's houses. We no longer have to push carts of filth thanks to the sewage system but we still clean the bathrooms, sweep and mop the floors. Sometimes we wash clothes as well. In short, we still do the dirtiest of all jobs. We are not untouchables any longer. Our kids can go to school. We can find other jobs. It's another thing that we rarely do that because it's difficult for us to break away from our family, friends and relatives.

My Bibi Ji doesn't treat me like a slave, though I think of her as my Malikan. In fact she says, "Hajirah, you are honorable. You don't beg but earn honest money. I wish you will get rid of that baggage of a husband and live decently on your earnings".

I don't agree with the last part because she doesn't understand my need but her acknowledgement of my honest hard work gives me great joy. It confirms that I am a human just like her.

The beauty of Malaysia

I heard the beat of the drums and looked out of the window. Down in the street, in front of the Hindu temple, the one decked with colorful images of Hindu gods, was a Chinese procession taking place for their New Year celebrations. I looked at the bobbing heads of the red and golden dragons with the long bodies dancing as if giant waves in the ocean. I'm always fascinated by the Chinese colors and find it hard to digest the fact that a commoner was not allowed to wear colors in Imperial China.  Red and gold were reserved for the royalty and a commoner could loose his head for daring to wear it.

Thinking about the forbidden city and all the restrictions of an era gone by, I watched the long procession head slowly towards the Chinese temple situated right across the Hindu temple at the other side of the mall complex that separated it from the building of the Muslim mosque.

Finally, I turned back and looked inside the hotel room and my eyes wandered cross the ceiling to where an arrow indicated the direction of Ka'baa for the Muslims to pray. I smiled to myself. This was the beauty of MALAYSIA!

I had never been to the country in my childhood but I was accustomed to seeing Malay pilgrims that used to come to Saudi Arabia. People from all over the world travel to Saudi Arabia for the purpose. The Indonesians and Malaysians are two of the most respected ones for being the most organized and quiet. Unlike many other groups that come without any idea of the rites and rituals to be performed, Malaysian pilgrims are well briefed on what to do. They stay together in groups and peacefully perform the rites without causing or getting into trouble.

I had a stereotype image of a typical Malaysian in my childhood and was not let down on my visits to the country as an adult.

Crossing a bridge from Singapore to Johor Bahru, Malaysia, not only brings one to a whole new terrain but to a completely different world of its own. The culture, language and economics are entirely different. Singapore is a tiny country, the size of a city, that is hub of financial world. The atmosphere there is brusque and polished. Businesslike resembling New York in its manner.

Malaysia on the other hand carries a relaxed and laid back attitude. It's a home to three major religions. It is a Muslim country but with large populations of Hindus and Buddhists whose forefathers came from India and China as workers during British rule and got settled. The country got her independence in 1963. The ethnic tension among religious factions in 1969 led to religious rights which have been upheld ever since. The Sultan becomes the ruler for an appointed time after which another Sultan takes charge.

Humble and hardworking is how I will describe a common Malaysian. They keep to themselves and since they don't interfere in others' lives, they do not expect others to interfere in theirs. The famous city of Kuala Lumpur with its majestic and one time tallest building of the world, twin towers, is very modern but it lacks the rushed feel in the atmosphere which is typically associated with big cities. The general tranquility among citizens still prevails as it's their way of life.

Economic prosperity and growth has been hailed as the cause of general harmony and peace in the country but in my opinion there are other, more deeper reasons at work alongside as well. The security and individual freedom to live life according to one's own belief system with equal respect is the major factor in the placidity found in characters. There are Buddhist women walking by in mini skirts but no one makes passes at them. There are Muslim women clad in hijab working confidently in all walks of life and no one snickers at them. There is a general air of mutual respect that subdues an outsider into awe and admiration.

The only negative trait that I can mention is the speed or rather the lack of it. They are hardworking but take their time, probably because competition is not in their training. The security brings in peace which leads to placid natures. Malaysians with their down to earth demeanors are kind hearted, gentle and sincere people. They laugh gently but easily and their eyes tear up for others. They keep busy in their daily routines, taking time to finish and live comfortably in their simple lives.

A huge number of newly weds from Asian countries, especially from Indian sub continent pick Malaysia as their destination for honeymoon. Number one reason is cost and second one is the religious freedom. Muslim couples can enjoy all the historical landmarks and beautiful beaches while enjoying Halal food and dress modestly without any embarrassment of being stared down by others like in Hawaii or Spanish seasides. Non Muslim couples also pick Malaysia for the modesty in the air.

No matter where you stay, a mosque and a temple is always nearby. The mosques have segregated areas for men and women. A large number of women pray in the mosques, something not very common in other Muslim countries around the world. There are sets of white skirt and long head cover stacked up in every mosque. Although all Muslim women cover their hair and are always modestly dressed up, many put on the white skirt and long head cover to hide their colored clothes upon entering the praying area of the mosque. Wearing these white skirt sets gives a feel of equality when everyone stands up, shoulder to shoulder, in rows to pray. All distinctions cease to exist as every Muslim woman stands with her head bowed in humility in prayer. (Same is true for the men. The only difference is in clothing but all men are also modestly clad). The women remove the borrowed skirt sets after prayers and place them back to the original place after neatly folding them.

Every Mosque has TV sets installed where a translation of the sermon runs in English on Fridays. It is mandatory for Muslim men to perform Friday prayer in congregation which is preceded by a sermon. The sermon is delivered in Malay but it's translation in English can be read on tv screens by foreigners like me.

Being a Muslim, I'm more familiar with the Mosques and the Islamic side of Malaysia but a large influx of non Muslim tourists is a clear indication of her hospitality for all. The 140 feet tall Hindu deity's statue guarding the entrance of Batu caves is a silent witness to visits of countless Hindus who come to pray at the temple on top of 272 leg burning steps. Batu caves is home to one of the most popular Hindu shrines outside India. Many non Hindu tourists also visit for tourism purpose and climb the stairs to marvel at the beauty of ages old caves. This mix of cultures and tolerance of individual choices, faiths and respect for religious practices is the real beauty of Malaysia.

Relentless Plotters

Relentless Plotters!
They plot day and night. 
They spend their whole lives plotting.
They plot against others.
It's their nature, it's in their blood. They cannot change their nature because they don't want to. They are in love with their own selves and what they do. They invest in their skills of plotting. Their minds constantly come up with schemes to ruin joys of others.

They dwell in their darkness. No light of compassion ever illuminates their hearts. They break hearts and their deaf ears never hear the pleadings of their victims. They are immune to logic and reasoning for they only listen to their own venomous thoughts.

Good people bring out good in others. They want to see good everywhere and they know how to be happy for others. The spiteful plotters on the other hand, like to see the bad in people. It justifies their motives.They bring out the worst in others. That's their goal. They cannot tolerate happiness of others. They also cannot stand sincerity. They lack these things in their own lives and never realize that it's their own doing. They blame others for the absence of placidity in their own lives and their malicious nature incite them towards revenge. They plot to create situations where the other person is forced to stand up to defend or fight. Yes, these plotters like quarrels, fights and wars. It serves their purpose of destruction. They are unforgiving cruel people who look for opportunities to start rifts, break friendships and demolish relationships. 

Being around such people is like being in a constant combat zone. They are relentless in their efforts and attacks.They are stalkers and predators. They like power and control and for that they manipulate situations. Unlike peace loving people, they are restless. They are unforgiving and are experts of ruining peaceful moments. Nothing can make them happy because in their zest to harm others, they destroy their own peace of mind.

God save us all from such plotters in our lives and the world from the ones in power.

Mass Mentality

I Ran!

I ran like a lunatic!

I ran, like a lunatic, like everyone else!

It was an instant reaction. I had not envisioned or planned it. It just happened.

I was waiting for hours with the rest of the women, waiting for the gates to open, not knowing which gate would open.

I was not near the gate that finally opened. I saw everyone run in that direction and on impulse, I followed pursuit and ran in that direction like everyone else.

I was running wildly when shame descended upon me like a wet blanket!

Heavily laden with deep guilt for disrespectfully running at such a sacred place, I broke my pace and with a bowed head entered the area to pay homage to our Prophet in the mosque.

That moment is etched in my memory forever.

It made me aware of mass mentality.

We often react and take action without putting much thought into it.

It comes naturally to us to follow pursuit.

It is the easy way of living.

Have you ever tailgated someone on the road?

I have.

And every time I did, I marveled at the experience.

I did not have to put any thought into direction or worry about losing my way while tailgating someone.

In a way, it felt like I was blindfolded, following the end of the car in front with closing my eyes to everything else around. It takes away the responsibility and relaxes the thinking process.

Mass mentality is a bit like tailgating someone where majority follow each other without putting much thought into it.

When I ran like a lunatic, I did not use my own mind. I went with the crowd on impulse.

Once I was aware of my own actions, I did not care about the rest. They could run all they wanted, (although part of me wished that they did not), I did not care because I was focused on what I had to do.

Mass mentality is not a bad thing all the time but if encouraged, it hinders the development of individual thinking and hence takes away the competitive edge. In countries, where government control is prominent, mass mentality can be easily found. I experienced that in such societies, people are excellent followers but are not great problem solvers. It’s not because they are not capable or less intelligent, but because they are not taught to think outside the box. They are reluctant to think on their own. They may be smart but freeze up if faced with something absolutely new but if they see an example, they copy it better than the original. On the other hand, the people in democratic countries with emphasis on individual freedom, are poor at following others but comparatively better at thinking outside the box.

It takes critical thinking and ability to act alone and to break loose of the mass mentality. It's a learned process that needs training. Free societies encourage individualism and promote analytical thinking but in controlled societies, the leaders discourage this process and make people slave of mass mentality.

Shamsa Anwar