Happiness, we all desire!

Happiness!
We desire it. We chase it. We long for it.
What is this happiness that everyone wants?
Is it an illusion or a reality, I wonder?
It is within us, my mind mumbles and my heart nods in agreement.

Look at the babies.
No one teaches them how to smile. It comes naturally to them, even in their sleep!
How about crying, you may ask?!
A well fed, healthy child doesn't cry. Children cry to ask help, to show their needs. They do not cry for no reason but they do smile without any reason a lot of times which tells me that humans are disposed to be naturally happy. Happiness is within us all!

We forget to be naturally happy as we grow because we start associating happiness with conditions. We focus on the world and others. We forget that crying goes with needs. The more we focus on needs, the further we get away from our natural state of happiness. We look for something outside that resides within us!

There is a lot of jealousy around happy people as others envy them. Unconsciously people are possessive of happiness. When they are not happy, they feel like others have stolen it from them. No one can steal anyone else's happiness but sure can share it with others by bringing out their natural disposition to happiness.

Everyone can be happy but no one can be happy all the time. Happiness does not mean laughing all the time or having everything. It's a state of mind that changes but we can easily attain it. I have seen some people living with happiness under the direst of conditions. They don't love their conditions but they still find reasons to smile and be happy. Such people are my heroes who have learnt the meaning of life and discovered that inner happiness. They know that life is a temporary phase. Destiny is something beyond our control. We have limited time and resources. The list of worldly desires is unending but luckily we have the ability to control it and happiness lies in that control and coming to terms with what we have. Children smile because they are content. The adults can also be happy by containing their needs.

While humanity moans...

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Don't Play That Blame Game

While Humanity Moans

I see the Muslim world in turmoil.

There is wide spread suffering everywhere!

Media is making money on footage after footage of horrific stories but no one is really doing anything to stop this reality show!

I learn about the protectors killing their own dependents.

I witness the humanity's humiliation at the hands of humans and I think of who is to blame?

My heart says that the main source of all evil is Satan.

So, I think of him!

Satan asked God for respite to allure as many humans as he could till the Doomsday. Even Satan acknowledged the sovereignty of Almighty God. The most Merciful God granted him the respite and clearly told him that many would follow his footsteps in the world and would burn in hellfire with him in the hereafter but there would be those who would resist all temptations and follow the righteous path and these would be the ones who would find eternal bliss in the Heaven. 

Of course there would be some who would give into their weaknesses and would wander off from their straight paths in the direction of his allures. Some of them would stay on the misleading path forever and join Satan's group while there would be others who would repent and correct their mistakes. The latter would join their brethren in Paradise.

Satan knows his fate. He is simply given respite. There is no turning back for him. The fires of hell await him. He did not ask forgiveness, instead he asked for respite. His insolent self wanted to take revenge on humanity, wanted the cause of his fall to suffer along with him.

Humans were warned by the Messengers chosen by God what awaits them depending upon their actions. Choice is entirely theirs. No one can carry any one else's burden. Each will be rewarded or punished according to personal deeds and conduct. The judgement will be so just that every body part of that human will bear witness to the act it was involved in and the human will be absolutely convinced of the justice. 

On the day of Judgement, Satan will not be punished for the sins of other, though they performed those acts under his influence. They all knew, along with Satan himself, that Satan's final destination was Hell. The sinners will be punished for acting upon their wrong choices they deliberately made ignoring all those warnings sent by the loving God. They chose to follow Satan in life and that's what they will have to do in the hereafter...follow him into the fires. They will not be punished for Satan's acts but for their own sins.

The humans who restrained themselves, paid attention and strived to live lives according to the laws set by their Creator, which basically means avoiding Satan's temptations with every living breath, will be rewarded accordingly for their individual efforts and deeds.

This is what Islam teaches us and all Muslims believe.

If so, then I do not see any room for the blame game.

No matter who allures who, or who acts on whose behalf or who is whose puppet, the bottom line is that everyone is free to make their own personal choices and thus responsible and accountable for those choices and accompanying actions. 

Heaven or Hell

I've always said and believed that people create their own Heaven or Hell on this earth through their own conducts. No one can have everything possible as it is entirely impossible! Satisfaction is a temporary state of mind that eventually evaporates, no matter how strong at the time. It is human nature to want more. Regardless of how much a person may have, the desire to gain some more never dies. There is absolutely no end to human desires on its on.

In a way, it's a good thing. It gives one motivation to set and achieve goals. It also pursues one to go after something in life ...but here comes the real problem. What goal to set and what path to choose to attain that goal?

Knowledge and education are the tools that are supposed to aid one make wise decisions. It is a beautiful and much desirable situation when personal satisfaction also brings satisfaction to the others in the society. A growth of such personal achievements helps a society grow in strength and harmony. On the other hand, when personal satisfaction is based on selfish motives, someone else in the society is bound to get hurt. In this scenario, a growth of such personal satisfaction will lead to unrest and resentment in the society.

We are living in an age where everyone is after personal gratification. There was a time when dwelling in self pleasures was considered highly vain. People used to shy away from admiring their own reflections in the mirrors in public. Not anymore! Now a days everyone is self obsessed taking selfies with their phones and cameras. Social media has open gates to new vanity struggles. There's a constant desire and competition to be appreciated and recognized. Jealousies are rising based on petty stuff such as number of likes or comments on posts. People are becoming friends in the cyber world without having a single clue about each other. Reality is giving way to pretension, leading to demise of moral codes and lack of satisfaction.

Abundance of knowledge, information and awareness have trapped everyone in a web of dissatisfaction. The plethora of information has opened wide doors to all sorts of knowledge, desired and undesired. There is a lot more freedom of thought and expression with less restrictions. Privacy is becoming an issue with a lot of personal information being exchanged on social networks.

So much exposure has given rise to personal comparisons. People are no longer contented in their own surroundings. There is an old saying in the east that living within the boundaries of one's own household brings peace of mind. Now a days, people get bored within their homes. It is as if they constantly want to live outside their homes. The reason is that unending pursuit of fun and leisure. There is a rat race of who is having how much fun and how! There can be no limit to these things. Actually fun looses its charm if it's constant as we observe in the case of celebrities who go after notorious ways to entertain themselves.

Earthly Heaven and Hell are states of mind in one's own hands. Life can be Heaven if internal peace is achieved through containing worldly desires. Relentlessly comparing and competing with others for worldly gains is only going to take away mental peace and make life a living hell. More than ever, now is the time for all of us to practice self restraints and learn self containment.

There can never be an end to learning!

Party on...

His hand stopped in mid stroke while his mind got lost in the maze of memories once again. He was doing that a lot recently...getting lost!

Sam's father passed away in an accident months before his birth. His mother never remarried and devoted her life to raising him. There was no shortage of inherited money and fatherly love from uncles. His paternal and maternal uncles made sure that he never missed a father figure. In many ways, he was more loved in the family than any other kid but somehow there was always something amiss!

He had no idea what made him feel that way but he always felt restless in his life. Maybe it was his own nature or perhaps it was his mother's desire and constant drilling that made him that way. She dotted on him but her constant desire for him to excel in every walk of life instilled a competitive spirit in him. Both sides of his family were businessmen with deep riches but they lacked university education. His mother wanted him to break the family tradition, become a doctor and study abroad.

None of his cousins went beyond graduation and barely passed with grace but he was an exception. He had to bring in the top grades in every class. His room kept filling up with trophy after trophy as time passed. The times when he was unable to be the first were the most torturous as he felt a deep personal shame. He remembered the time when he lost a debate in college. He was unable to sleep for a week and felt like such a loser. His cousins could not stop laughing at his state as they could not comprehend his sentiments. He quit debating after that and focused more on his studies.

He had only one ambition in mind...he had to reach USA! Mom also wanted the same but asked him to go after medical college. Once that was done, there was no stopping him. He took his USMLE and applied for residency in States. With his flying grades, he got accepted in his desired hospital and flew off to USA.

This was the first time he was completely independent. He grew up in the joint family system with dozens of relatives around. Uncles were always keeping a watch in their zest to shower fatherly love. Now, for the first time, there was no one keeping tabs. He was the boss with the opportunities a galore!

He was like a kid in a candy store with a bag full of cash and no one to stop! He went on a spree. Nurses swooned after his charms, fellow residents and doctors competed for his time while patients looked forward to his rounds. He was popular among females, they competed for him and he was fully aware of it.The jars were full of sweets and he grabbed greedily from each one within sight and reach.

Three years flew in a blink, he completed his residency and applied for fellowship. His mother started talking about marriage. She wanted him to marry his cousin. He used to like her before but now she seemed like plain brown sugar compared to fancy desserts. He couldn't tell his mom that who would like to suck on a piece of brown sugar when an endless variety of desserts were being offered. Instead, he made lame excuses.

His colorful activities got more energetic during fellowship. He smelled of success and nothing attracts company more than that! He loved social life and his calendar got even more crammed once he started working as a surgeon. Money was pouring in and he was surrounded by everything that follows. Mother's nagging about marriage was the only mood spoiler. He avoided going back and the gap between his visits kept on increasing.

He breathed a sigh of relief the day his cousin got married. His mother's insistence dwindled down after a few more failed attempts and finally she asked him to find someone in States himself. He promised his mom he would. Every year, his mom would ask him the same question on his visit to his country or over the phone and each time he would promise her the same that she would be a mother in law within a year.

He looked back in the mirror with his hand stopped in mid stroke and tried to remember exactly when did he make that promise the very first time. He could not recall that but he knew that back home, this very day, his cousin's son was getting married. It would be three years since he last made that promise to his mother before she died! He looked back at his reflection. He had difficulty recognizing the aging man whose hand had stopped in the stroke while combing his dyed hair. Standing in that luxurious dressing room of the mini mansion, he looked so forlorn. He shook his head to snap out of this state, he was getting late for his date....Mom's promise could wait!

Own them or Change your Choices in life!

I was visiting a friend's house for a dinner party where someone mentioned about me picking up studies with two kids and a job. Everyone was appreciative and showing support when suddenly an old lady looked at her husband and said scornfully, "I, too, would've studied more in my time...but he never let me!". The whole room became quiet for a fraction of a moment before everyone else resumed their conversation, completely ignoring the old lady.  The moment passed but I can still picture the old man and the way he shrunk into himself when the bitterness in the voice of his wife hit him like a slap on the face.

Its one of those moments that stay with you for the rest of your life. That lady and the whole scenario have unintentionally crept up in my thoughts many times ever since. It was a very brief moment but it revealed so much about human character.

First of all, I did not start my education to get praises from others. It was not for money either. I was raised never to prioritize money in my life. Education was important for the sake of knowledge in pursuit of wisdom. I saw an opportunity and despite lack of time, made a personal choice to further my education. So, although the praise from the friends during that get together pleased me, I certainly wasn't seeking or asking for it.

What the old lady said, the tone she used and the way she said it, all spoke of her own negative character. She was jealous. Extremely jealous! She did not have the courtesy to tolerate another person's praise (I'm not saying it because it was me. She oozed that negativity every time someone was praised, a trait I observed).

Second thing was her disregard for other people or the surrounding. She did not care if her comment would hurt anyone or spoil the moment. She was only focused on herself. Her husband's honor did not matter to her at all. They must have been married for a very long time as they were already grandparents by that time, but she had no respect for her life partner, and she was not shy of showing it to everybody around.

All this, but the most important thing that struck me was her accusation. She blamed her husband for her failures. I thought to myself, " My God! She is so bitter!". She was much senior to me in age and I felt that it was not my place to correct her but I really wanted to tell her that no one but she, herself was responsible for whatever turn her life had taken. If her husband had a role, then she assigned him that role, she let him do that to her!

Throughout my life I've come across people who always blame others for their downfalls. They usually look at others' successes as favors from someone else. I believe that destiny is the name of choices we make in life. It's our choice to make a sacrifice or not. It's our decision to be good or bad, obedient or not, lawful or not, faithful or not....be oppressed or not! Whoa!!! Whoever wants to be oppressed, you may ask! No one gets all the freedom in life to make all the choices, you may argue! And you are right...only partially!

Life is not about having it all! It's about the struggle and the effort. How much effort are we willing to put in to achieve what we want or to change our circumstances? I think humans are capable of achieving ALMOST everything that they put their minds to (after all, we have reached the sky and gone to space!) There are various reasons that stop people from following their dreams. They can be religion, tradition, customs, personal limitations or lack of persuasion, but whatever the reason, everyone makes and is accountable for those choices. Making every effort doesn't ensure success but does give the satisfaction of trying the best. Yes, there are people, things and other extraneous factors that influence a human life but a good sportsman takes everything in the stride.

There are situations where the blame does go to another party and rightful accusations must be made. In such circumstances, too, efforts need to be made to correct the situation. Pointing fingers without taking any measure to correct the situation is a negative habit that I observe very often. I wish that everyone will stop blaming others and start using their own potentials. A hardworking man honors others' hard work and sincere hard work never goes unpaid!

Seek & pursue knowledge with every breath!

One never knows the time of acceptance of a prayer!

I

"You never know the time of acceptance of your prayers" My mother always says whenever advising us to wish and utter good words and wishes for others and ourselves. I sincerely believe in it as my childhood is a living proof!

I was a young child and my younger sibling just an infant when my mother started worrying about the situation in Pakistan. At that time, the Pakistani society was quite unrestricted with open lewdness. There was freedom but unfortunately people were abusing that freedom to promote debauchery everywhere. Media was flaunting amoral images and the press was printing and distributing licentious  literature.

Keep in mind that modesty is a deep rooted tradition in Indian Subcontinent, regardless of religious beliefs. Bring in religion and the picture gets even more sacred. Raising children with high moral values used to be number one priority for parents and still is for a small striving minority.

Going back to the time period, my mother was extremely apprehensive about raising her children under such circumstances. She was quite aware of the influence a society and media has on the impressionable minds of young children. She did not know what to do except to pray. She constantly prayed for God's help in raising her children away from any debauchery. She wanted her kids to live and learn piety. She did not want her children to be exposed to anything that would destroy their innocence. She wanted to save their childhood!

And that's when it happened....

My father had not even applied for a job in Saudi Arabia. They had never thought about moving over there. In fact they had tried for an opportunity in Libya where their friends were going and were disappointed when denied. Saudi Arabia just happened out of the blue when an acquaintance called them and offered the opportunity for which he was recruiting.

My parents accepted the great opportunity to be closer to the holiest of all places for Muslims. Mecca and Madina.  God fulfilled my mother's prayer. Our childhood was the most innocent of all. Although I do not condone Saudi's way of Police State or extreme censorship. The truth is that it was one of the most pious childhoods with no exposure to any kind of violence, lewdness or obscenity. Religion was learned by practice. Shopkeepers used to leave their shops open in their hurry to join rows forming in the mosques at the call to prayer. I remember, many times leaving our car unlocked because there was no threat of theft. We lived with security and peace within a bubble (about which I'll blog some other time). Going to Mecca was our picnics and spending days praying in Madina was vacation time.

It was much later in life that I learnt about the evils that lurk in this world but by then, thank God, I was mature enough to handle it (with much shock, needless to say). I do think we were blessed by my mom's praying. I believe in saving childhood innocence and it distresses me that we are depriving our children of it in the current need to prepare them against all the media exposure that is snatching away their innocence way too early. I wish I could save the innocence of all the children in the world!

Calculate the risk before taking a leap!

The gamble of a lifetime!

Relationships are complex matters. The ones who are the closest, are usually the one that inflict the most pain, probably because they know all the weak spots. We are tied in blood relationships at our birth. The DNA still bonds a person with the parents and relatives even if they never get to meet in person.

Relationships are ties that bond people. Society dictates, and other institutions like religion and culture, etc, decide the boundaries of these relationships. In ancient Egyptian dynasties, siblings used to marry each other to keep the Royal blood pure, a practice that gives us shivers. All major faith systems consider it a sin to marry someone from the immediate family, but the verdict on other relations vary. For example Christianity considers first cousins' marriage incest while Muslims allow it.

Even within a well defined relationship, the picture differs from person to person. Let's look at Motherhood. There is no relationship more selfless and loving than a motherhood but even her relationship is different with each child. The nature of relationship differs due to personalities. Although each child is equally important, unique and beloved to a mother, sometimes she unwittingly favors one over the other. The reason can be as absurd as a child looking like her, to as authentic as the one always taking care of her, but the divisions creep in without her knowledge.

After parenthood, another beautiful relationship formed at birth is between siblings, but there too, sibling rivalry is a world known fact. A term that is often associated with children, is in fact, a giant culprit in the adult world. How many Royal children were put down to death being considered a threat by their siblings, the heir in lines to the throne? How many cases are still being fought in law courts, across the globe, over the issues of inheritance and property?

The most complicated of all relationships is the one that is NOT formed at birth and that is the relationship between spouses! This unique one is a relationship of adulthood that is chosen at will....sometimes at the will of others, but regardless, it is the one formed by choice.

Many say marriage is the gamble of a lifetime and I agree. No one, not even the parties involved, can predict the nature of the relationship, as we observe in the West where marriages fail within months although the couple might have been living together for years as significant others. Marriage brings in responsibility by legalizing the relationship. People live together without legal bonds with a sense of freedom. The threat, of the other walking out of the relationship, keeps them working on it but the minute they tie the knot, the threat is relaxed. That's when most masks fall off. As they stop trying to win the other's attention or affection all the time, disappointments arise...or romance flies off the window.

In the East, where living together without a marriage is still a taboo, the picture is not very rosy either. All romantic emotions are saved for the future spouse, who is usually chosen by others. In such cases, the initial period in marriage is spent just trying to know each other and by the time they have some understanding developed of each other's personality, they are already parents of a child or two. In the Eastern cultures, a child is considered the cement that bonds the marital relationship. Many spouses stay in despised marriages for the sake of their children.

Many have asked my opinion on arranged or love marriages and my answer has remained the same over the years. It depends on ... who you are and what you want! There is no one size fits all formula here. A person might be the best child to the parents, most loving sibling and excellent friend but it is no guarantee that the same sweet person will be an understanding spouse. Sometimes the
rudest person to all turns out to be the most loving spouse. The intimate nature of the spousal relationship makes it unique to each pair, and hence most unpredictable. Like I said...it's the gamble of the lifetime!

(Shamsa Anwar)

Daughter of China!

To me, every pregnant woman in China is a terrified woman as I learnt a few years back. Two of my friends in China were pregnant at the same time. Both ladies had only one thing on their minds. They both wanted nothing but a son. I could detect fear in the eyes of the younger one every time she asked me to pray for her to have a son. It was a fear of carrying a daughter. Doctors are no longer allowed to disclose the gender of the unborn child since every couple used to abort the female fetuses.

No one in China wants a daughter. China's one child per couple policy at that time meant only one shot at parenthood for most. This policy is now modified to allow two kids if one of the parents has no siblings but most couples do not want another  child due to very high cost of raising a child. Usually men get to have more children if they get out of a relationship and form a new one with another. The child becomes the responsibility of the mother and no man is going to marry the mother of a child, especially a daughter as one of my friends came to know the hard way.

This friend of mine was working outside China for some time when she met another Chinese man. They fell in love and she became pregnant with a promise to get married on their return to homeland. As it turned out, the old folks were right when they used to warn their daughters about guys not wanting to buy cows that give free milk. The guy ditched the mother and daughter on their return to homeland, married another woman and fathered a son with her.

My friend lives with her mother and daughter. Her widowed mother blames my friend's daughter for ruining her daughter (child's mother's) life as no one is ever going to marry her now. She is stuck with raising a daughter in a society where no one wants a girl.

It is through and through a patriarch society. My husband feels like a prince there while I have to grit my teeth on many occasions. Not a single time, not even by mistake, have I ever been served before my husband over there. The hostesses in the restaurants never look at me to take orders. They always expect my husband to order the meal. Many a times I've seen girls spoon feeding the boys on dates. The women bend over backwards to please and accommodate men while men act like they are God's special favor to them in life.

Another thing that really gets on my nerves at times is the women's nudging habit. I would be walking on a spacious walkway and wham! Out of the blue would come a  lady from behind and elbow me on her way. It has happened a lot and I can assure you that they don't specifically target me. It is the way of life for them. The women would not elbow any man but think nothing of nudging a woman on their way while trying to make way and cut pass her.

There is so much insecurity among women. They want to cling on to a man very badly and fear other women. A woman dating a man automatically attains high status among peers. The security that tying the knot used to bring is highly undermined in recent years as divorce rate is on the rise. The Western concept of living together without ties is becoming popular along with an increase in female anxieties. No wonder no woman wants to give birth and bring another woman in this world of insecurities!

Leave Some Doors Open For Friends!

The most difficult situation is to feel utterly helpless!
It is so difficult to watch someone near and dear in pain and not be able to help. There are a million words and suggestions that can be doled out in the way of trying to offer help but it's all useless if the person going through the turmoil does not allow it as some people can be very stubborn in their quest to be emotionally strong.

There are many people who put up brave faces. They are extremely sensitive and caring people but they do not want to be vulnerable by showing their weaknesses to others. At first they think that they can solve their own problems. When this does not happen, they feel distressed as failures and take for granted that there are no solutions to their problems. To seek out help means to disclose their feelings and share the pain. They start bottling up their emotions and erecting walls to block others in order to hide their pain from their loved ones. The emotional built up over time leads to stress.

Stress has a subtle way of showing up if one looks for the signs. The family or friends who care, can detect the symptoms but the kind of people we are talking about, deny others the opportunity to help. By building up walls, they push people away from them. Sometimes, they might not even have someone who really cares but in cases where they do have others, they don't want to bother them. This isolation segregates them from their well wishers over time as friends and family eventually give up their futile efforts to help. The realization of isolation brings in depression which further pulls them emotionally down.

Sharing and talking help a lot in stress and depression. It is true that the other person might not be able to solve the problem but talking would lessen the burden. Two brains are always better than one. Always leave the doors open for true friends.

Sow the Goodwill!

Always wish the very best for others & sow the seeds of goodwill my friend!

I love my homeland but...

In my homeland, people, especially girls don't live their own lives. They are not allowed to!

In childhood, others decide what schools they will go to, which pretty much decides their circle of friends. There are limited choices given to young adults in schools. The bright students are told by families to either become doctors or engineers. Accounting became the third option in recent years. Anyone interested in any other field is considered a below average student. This statement might rattle the nerves of many but the reality remains.

With the corruption dominating every walk of life, education is no exception. Parents with wealth and power use every mean and by hook or by crook admit their children in professional colleges and later get them degrees. Yes, the degrees are bought with money and connections. And not just degrees, the jobs too.

The most favored job, for a long time, was bureaucracy. A decade ago, I heard that a highly ranked officer told his BA pass son to just go and sit through the bureaucracy exam in order to show his presence. The son need not worry about what he wrote in the exam paper. Everything was all taken care of for him to join the academy!

Coming back to the topic, whether one is among the chosen ones by being born in the wealthy and connected class or belongs to the tiny minority who slog their way through the system with extreme hard work despite every obstacle put in their way, the family's mindset dominates and decides the career path of each person.

The second  most important decision in a person's life is marriage. There too, others usually make the decision. Strict arranged marriages are still very common. No one talks about matching personalities. They look for family, education and background. Personal preferences are the least consideration. I have seen some of the most mismatched marriages take place in Pakistan.

Social dramas are common in every household. Joint family systems are a traditional norm and sometimes a necessity due to economic pressures. In a society where respect for adults is a great virtue, the elderly abuse this right thoroughly. The young girls leave their houses to live with their in laws. The same bride that is selected and chosen for her attributes and qualities after rejecting a few dozens and sometimes hundreds others, now becomes a favorite target of every in law's personal fault hunting. Everyone goes after her to find a flaw. The groom who no one paid attention to till yesterday becomes the charming prince overnight.

There is extreme pressure on the bride to please the in laws. She is expected to forget her own family and literally be the slave to the new ones. The situation would not be so bad if her in laws owned her as their own. No. They want her to let go of her own but she will not be part of them either. She would be reminded at every opportunity that she is an outsider. She is expected to take care of them, tolerate their insults and forget about her own self while giving birth to their next generation and raising it properly.

She is really lucky if her in laws and husband are considerate people otherwise it's her plain bad luck. She has to bear it with grace. If she stands up against any injustice or for her own personal rights, the whole society will gang up against her.

I have seem uncountable number of girls living in miserable marriages because they lack the guts to break free. It takes a lot of courage to face a whole system designed to suppress personal freedoms. A few that do, find varying results. Number one factor is financial independence. Majority of girls do not have any career experience despite high education. In a corrupt society where religion is misused to judge and degrade others. It is the perfect tool to inflict shame on girls trying to stand up on their own. A single girl without protection of family or kin is free property to be owned by any or all is the general mentality.

It is a frustrated society with suppressed desires. They do not face their demons. They deny the realities and snub the freedoms. They are not happy, hate happiness and will not allow anyone to be happy. They are only happy at others misery because it satisfies them.

The brides who live unhappily under constant tongue lashing and sacrificing their own desires become the bitter sisters and mothers in law in their turns. How can they let their sisters or daughters in law enjoy lives when they were denied the same pleasure! They repeat the pattern with a vengeance and the cycle goes on....

Her Story!

There was a place where everyone did gardening. Her parents' house was surrounded by a garden where they grew colorful flowers. She would sometimes help her parents by watering the plants or giving a hand in mulching. Her most favorite thing was the walk in that garden with her parents holding their hands in hers. Her second favorite thing was to play with her siblings in that garden. Her mother had created a small area in one corner where she and her siblings loved to make mud towns with castles, bridges and canals. She would come up with new ideas and invent innovative methods to make the water flow through those canals and under the bridges.

There were many neighborhood gardens but she never paid much attention to them. She loved her parents manicured garden and all the flowers in it. There were always flowers on the tables inside the house as well. The smell of Jasmine flowers always greeted her when she would open her eyes in the morning.

When she came of age, she left her parents' place and moved to her own land. Unfortunately there was no area vacant near by, so the one she got was very very far away. She knew that one day she would have to grow her own garden. That's what everyone was supposed to do and did. She was ready for it and eagerly waiting to start growing her own beautiful garden.

She had watched her parents do gardening all her life. She knew what to do, so she tilled the ground, planted the best seeds, watered every day and waited excitedly for the sprouts to come up. Day after day she checked every morning hoping to see small tiny green heads popping out of her carefully prepared soil but nothing happened. When it was absolutely positive that nothing was growing, she researched and tried sowing some new seeds. When this failed, she tried fertilizers but nothing happened. One after another, she tried different things but to her dismay, nothing got root.

She started looking around. There were some very beautiful gardens in her neighborhood. Some people had just green trees while others had blooming shrubs. Some had a mix while others had vegetation. Then there were some that were completely neglected and the owners did not care at all.

She paid some more attention in order to learn and noticed various things. She noticed that some people did not have to work very hard. They hardly ever watered but everything grew strongly regardless of the neglect. Then there were others who did take good care and it also showed. Some people cut down their plants while others did not even pluck a leaf. She absorbed all that while never giving up her own futile efforts to grow something.

She observed, analyzed and for the first time it struck her that the land she got might be barren. It was the most painful realization. It broke her heart and for a short time she completely gave up on her attempts to grow anything. That was a very dark period. She loved her land and loved gardening. She could not believe and accept that she would never be able to grow anything in her life.

Then one day, she came up with an idea. She had to try this new technique. She dig a very deep hole and lined it up with thick plastic. She went and bought rich soil from the market and filled the hole with it. She then planted some seeds in that hole and watered every day keeping her fingers crossed. The day she saw two tiny greens trying to push out of that store bought soil was the happiest day in her life. She had found the solution.

She started digging more holes. It was a very tiring process. She was a tiny girl with not much strength but she had the willpower. She was relentless in her pursuit to grow beautiful flowers. She had the full understanding that she would have to work extra hard than others but she was not going to give up. Every night when others were asleep, she would get up to dig deep holes. When the sun would come up, she would go to the store to buy the bags of soil after watering the previously planted seeds. There was no delivery system. She would carry every bag of soil by herself to the holes and fill them after which she would plant the seeds.

She has a tiny garden now. It's not as big or green as the ones in her neighborhood and nothing compared to her own parents' but she is happy. Her happiness is double folded. First she has something growing and secondly, she found a solution. She is happy that she never gave up. She knows all this extra hard work is taking a physical toll on her health. She is not getting much sleep and is tired all the time but it is all worth it because she can see a half dozen buds that are ready to bloom in the coming days. She knows that over time, with her hard work, there will be more and more. She hopes that one day there would be enough holes to fill the whole land and so many flowers that she would not be able to count!