In childhood, others decide what schools they will go to, which pretty much decides their circle of friends. There are limited choices given to young adults in schools. The bright students are told by families to either become doctors or engineers. Accounting became the third option in recent years. Anyone interested in any other field is considered a below average student. This statement might rattle the nerves of many but the reality remains.
With the corruption dominating every walk of life, education is no exception. Parents with wealth and power use every mean and by hook or by crook admit their children in professional colleges and later get them degrees. Yes, the degrees are bought with money and connections. And not just degrees, the jobs too.
The most favored job, for a long time, was bureaucracy. A decade ago, I heard that a highly ranked officer told his BA pass son to just go and sit through the bureaucracy exam in order to show his presence. The son need not worry about what he wrote in the exam paper. Everything was all taken care of for him to join the academy!
Coming back to the topic, whether one is among the chosen ones by being born in the wealthy and connected class or belongs to the tiny minority who slog their way through the system with extreme hard work despite every obstacle put in their way, the family's mindset dominates and decides the career path of each person.
The second most important decision in a person's life is marriage. There too, others usually make the decision. Strict arranged marriages are still very common. No one talks about matching personalities. They look for family, education and background. Personal preferences are the least consideration. I have seen some of the most mismatched marriages take place in Pakistan.
Social dramas are common in every household. Joint family systems are a traditional norm and sometimes a necessity due to economic pressures. In a society where respect for adults is a great virtue, the elderly abuse this right thoroughly. The young girls leave their houses to live with their in laws. The same bride that is selected and chosen for her attributes and qualities after rejecting a few dozens and sometimes hundreds others, now becomes a favorite target of every in law's personal fault hunting. Everyone goes after her to find a flaw. The groom who no one paid attention to till yesterday becomes the charming prince overnight.
There is extreme pressure on the bride to please the in laws. She is expected to forget her own family and literally be the slave to the new ones. The situation would not be so bad if her in laws owned her as their own. No. They want her to let go of her own but she will not be part of them either. She would be reminded at every opportunity that she is an outsider. She is expected to take care of them, tolerate their insults and forget about her own self while giving birth to their next generation and raising it properly.
She is really lucky if her in laws and husband are considerate people otherwise it's her plain bad luck. She has to bear it with grace. If she stands up against any injustice or for her own personal rights, the whole society will gang up against her.
I have seem uncountable number of girls living in miserable marriages because they lack the guts to break free. It takes a lot of courage to face a whole system designed to suppress personal freedoms. A few that do, find varying results. Number one factor is financial independence. Majority of girls do not have any career experience despite high education. In a corrupt society where religion is misused to judge and degrade others. It is the perfect tool to inflict shame on girls trying to stand up on their own. A single girl without protection of family or kin is free property to be owned by any or all is the general mentality.
It is a frustrated society with suppressed desires. They do not face their demons. They deny the realities and snub the freedoms. They are not happy, hate happiness and will not allow anyone to be happy. They are only happy at others misery because it satisfies them.
The brides who live unhappily under constant tongue lashing and sacrificing their own desires become the bitter sisters and mothers in law in their turns. How can they let their sisters or daughters in law enjoy lives when they were denied the same pleasure! They repeat the pattern with a vengeance and the cycle goes on....
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