Own them or Change your Choices in life!

I was visiting a friend's house for a dinner party where someone mentioned about me picking up studies with two kids and a job. Everyone was appreciative and showing support when suddenly an old lady looked at her husband and said scornfully, "I, too, would've studied more in my time...but he never let me!". The whole room became quiet for a fraction of a moment before everyone else resumed their conversation, completely ignoring the old lady.  The moment passed but I can still picture the old man and the way he shrunk into himself when the bitterness in the voice of his wife hit him like a slap on the face.

Its one of those moments that stay with you for the rest of your life. That lady and the whole scenario have unintentionally crept up in my thoughts many times ever since. It was a very brief moment but it revealed so much about human character.

First of all, I did not start my education to get praises from others. It was not for money either. I was raised never to prioritize money in my life. Education was important for the sake of knowledge in pursuit of wisdom. I saw an opportunity and despite lack of time, made a personal choice to further my education. So, although the praise from the friends during that get together pleased me, I certainly wasn't seeking or asking for it.

What the old lady said, the tone she used and the way she said it, all spoke of her own negative character. She was jealous. Extremely jealous! She did not have the courtesy to tolerate another person's praise (I'm not saying it because it was me. She oozed that negativity every time someone was praised, a trait I observed).

Second thing was her disregard for other people or the surrounding. She did not care if her comment would hurt anyone or spoil the moment. She was only focused on herself. Her husband's honor did not matter to her at all. They must have been married for a very long time as they were already grandparents by that time, but she had no respect for her life partner, and she was not shy of showing it to everybody around.

All this, but the most important thing that struck me was her accusation. She blamed her husband for her failures. I thought to myself, " My God! She is so bitter!". She was much senior to me in age and I felt that it was not my place to correct her but I really wanted to tell her that no one but she, herself was responsible for whatever turn her life had taken. If her husband had a role, then she assigned him that role, she let him do that to her!

Throughout my life I've come across people who always blame others for their downfalls. They usually look at others' successes as favors from someone else. I believe that destiny is the name of choices we make in life. It's our choice to make a sacrifice or not. It's our decision to be good or bad, obedient or not, lawful or not, faithful or not....be oppressed or not! Whoa!!! Whoever wants to be oppressed, you may ask! No one gets all the freedom in life to make all the choices, you may argue! And you are right...only partially!

Life is not about having it all! It's about the struggle and the effort. How much effort are we willing to put in to achieve what we want or to change our circumstances? I think humans are capable of achieving ALMOST everything that they put their minds to (after all, we have reached the sky and gone to space!) There are various reasons that stop people from following their dreams. They can be religion, tradition, customs, personal limitations or lack of persuasion, but whatever the reason, everyone makes and is accountable for those choices. Making every effort doesn't ensure success but does give the satisfaction of trying the best. Yes, there are people, things and other extraneous factors that influence a human life but a good sportsman takes everything in the stride.

There are situations where the blame does go to another party and rightful accusations must be made. In such circumstances, too, efforts need to be made to correct the situation. Pointing fingers without taking any measure to correct the situation is a negative habit that I observe very often. I wish that everyone will stop blaming others and start using their own potentials. A hardworking man honors others' hard work and sincere hard work never goes unpaid!