Relationships are ties that bond people. Society dictates, and other institutions like religion and culture, etc, decide the boundaries of these relationships. In ancient Egyptian dynasties, siblings used to marry each other to keep the Royal blood pure, a practice that gives us shivers. All major faith systems consider it a sin to marry someone from the immediate family, but the verdict on other relations vary. For example Christianity considers first cousins' marriage incest while Muslims allow it.
Even within a well defined relationship, the picture differs from person to person. Let's look at Motherhood. There is no relationship more selfless and loving than a motherhood but even her relationship is different with each child. The nature of relationship differs due to personalities. Although each child is equally important, unique and beloved to a mother, sometimes she unwittingly favors one over the other. The reason can be as absurd as a child looking like her, to as authentic as the one always taking care of her, but the divisions creep in without her knowledge.
After parenthood, another beautiful relationship formed at birth is between siblings, but there too, sibling rivalry is a world known fact. A term that is often associated with children, is in fact, a giant culprit in the adult world. How many Royal children were put down to death being considered a threat by their siblings, the heir in lines to the throne? How many cases are still being fought in law courts, across the globe, over the issues of inheritance and property?
The most complicated of all relationships is the one that is NOT formed at birth and that is the relationship between spouses! This unique one is a relationship of adulthood that is chosen at will....sometimes at the will of others, but regardless, it is the one formed by choice.
Many say marriage is the gamble of a lifetime and I agree. No one, not even the parties involved, can predict the nature of the relationship, as we observe in the West where marriages fail within months although the couple might have been living together for years as significant others. Marriage brings in responsibility by legalizing the relationship. People live together without legal bonds with a sense of freedom. The threat, of the other walking out of the relationship, keeps them working on it but the minute they tie the knot, the threat is relaxed. That's when most masks fall off. As they stop trying to win the other's attention or affection all the time, disappointments arise...or romance flies off the window.
In the East, where living together without a marriage is still a taboo, the picture is not very rosy either. All romantic emotions are saved for the future spouse, who is usually chosen by others. In such cases, the initial period in marriage is spent just trying to know each other and by the time they have some understanding developed of each other's personality, they are already parents of a child or two. In the Eastern cultures, a child is considered the cement that bonds the marital relationship. Many spouses stay in despised marriages for the sake of their children.
Many have asked my opinion on arranged or love marriages and my answer has remained the same over the years. It depends on ... who you are and what you want! There is no one size fits all formula here. A person might be the best child to the parents, most loving sibling and excellent friend but it is no guarantee that the same sweet person will be an understanding spouse. Sometimes the
rudest person to all turns out to be the most loving spouse. The intimate nature of the spousal relationship makes it unique to each pair, and hence most unpredictable. Like I said...it's the gamble of the lifetime!
(Shamsa Anwar)
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