I remember her!

There was this girl in my childhood. It has been ages since I last talked to her. I don't know what became of her. We used to be very close. She shared everything with me. She used to believe that one day the world would know that she was a fairy because she would make everyone happy by waving her magic wand and granting everyone their wishes. She wanted to see everyone happy. All she cared for was others. Her thoughts, her own wishes and her life revolved around others.

One time I asked her about her desires. She started telling me about her family and what she wanted for them. I insisted and inquired about her own personal wishes. What did she want or intended to do for herself? She was at a loss. She could not find an answer to what she longed for. I was a bit surprised because she was a hardworking girl with a good sense of right and wrong. I had thought that she would give me a long list of things but instead all she came up was that she wanted to make her parents and family happy by her conduct because that would make her God happy!

She loved God from childhood. Growing up in close proximity to the holy places, this was not an unusual thing. I think all my childhood friends were God fearing, obedient to parents children who respected their adults. But she was unique because she was so close to me. She loved to share everything with me. She had a pure heart that did not know how to hate or keep a grudge. She could cry easily but she did not like crying in front of others. She was too proud to show her weaknesses. She would always run to the restroom to cry behind locked doors. I often saw her swollen eyes the morning after she had cried over someone else's heartache. She always cried for others. Even for the ones who were not close to her.

She did not merely cried for others. She always tried to ease their pain as well. I saw her endless efforts to help others. Many would never know how she tried to remove misunderstandings between them or made things work for them. It was just not her nature to boast or show off. Still, often her efforts were noticed and appreciated. She was no back bencher. She was popular and under spot light most of the time in life!

We never thought of parting while growing up. This is one of the blessings of childhood. One believes in stability and magic but then life happens. Life happened to us too! I got married and lost touch with her. As I moved to States, I missed her terribly. I tried to keep ties with her but the distances were too great and painful. Keeping connection with her was extremely difficult. It hurt if I did not get in touch with her but talking to her would made me crave and miss her even more! I realized that I would have to let her go to adjust with my new reality and that's when I made this promise!

I promised myself that I would become so busy in my life that there would be no time for her. I would not allow her memory to haunt me...and that's exactly what I did! I got busy. In the process I became a machine. I never reflected back on our friendship. I never thought of whatever happened to that little girl who never would let her hair down. The sound of whose scream or laughter was never heard by others because she was too proper to ever allow that. Who watched every step and corrected every way. Did she change over time? Was she even alive? I realized that I had buried her in my thoughts. I had killed her!

All these years I had never thought about her but today she resurfaced in my thoughts. I have no idea what prompted it but I do want to remember her today! Surprisingly I don't want to get in touch with her! Finding her should not be very difficult with Internet, social media and the availability of so many other search engines but I don't have a desire to find her. I just want to recall the past experience of knowing her. I want to remember her the way she was.....UNCHANGED, UNTARNISHED, PURE!