Mehr is the mandatory dowry a husband has to give to his wife. It is mutually agreed upon and promised during the vows of marriage. It is a woman's right.
Islam assigns the role of a protector and provider to the man in marriage. The groom has to agree to provide for his family while taking his vows whereas the bride is not asked any such question. Even if the husband is not going to be the main earning member, he still has to give some dowry to the bride. It is her religious right, a wedding gift. No amount is pre set in the religion. It should be according to her status and his means.
It is a very beautiful concept to welcome her into a relationship by honoring her with a gift. Gifts show love, grow affection and bring joy. Marriage is a bond of a lifetime between a man and a woman founded upon mutual respect and trust. Since a woman lets a man not only enter her life but her body as well, she needs more assurances of love than a man. For a man, sex is an external experience. For a woman, sex is deeply linked with trust and respect as another human being enters her body. For her, its not merely an external affair, it's much more than that. A man gives, and she receives in the depth of her flesh. Not just that, as she conceives, that internal and external experience becomes her whole being as she carries and nourishes another human being within her body, knowing that the growth within her is a consequence of his invasion. She can never be the same again. Her insides change through that conception. She changes inside out while he remains the same.
A man, no matter how sensitive or how much in love, cannot experience this union of external and internal self. He never feels that experience of receiving another human within his body (unless he is gay...but even then, he can never carry a child within).
So, to me, Mehr is a gesture of respect, a start of the future to come. Although, some scholars interpret that Mehr can be given at any time during marriage life, it is not a very accurate interpretation. The Prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him) and his companions always paid the Mehr at the wedding night. Most scholars now agree that it should be given before the consummation of the relationship.
Since a Mehr has to be paid at the time of divorce if not paid earlier, the people of Indian Subcontinent got this wrong impression that a large sum of money will act as a barrier to divorce. Brides' parents usually set excessive amounts of money as Mehr to safeguard against a future break up. They fail to understand the actual reason behind this religious obligation. Islam is one of the religions in which divorce is allowed although it is to be sought after as a last resort under extreme conditions. Unfortunately many Indian Subcontinental women find themselves stuck in miserable marriages because their husbands will not divorce them because they cannot or will not giver their wives the agreed upon Mehr. The only option left for these women is to let go of that gift and get a legal divorce through court.
Many men do not even know that it is a grave sin not to give Mahr in their life times. God will not forgive a man who does not give his wife her Mehr. Only she can rescind Mehr and that will free him of this obligation, but he cannot force her to do so. She has to do so out of her own free will. Many women remit the amount of Mehr out of love for their husbands when they fail to give the exuberant amounts but that completely nullifies the whole purpose of this mandatory gift.
The amount and form of Mehr should be decided by both parties before the marriage, keeping in mind that it is a gift that is her right. A gift is given not just according to one's means but also according to the occasion and honoring the status of the receiver. A bad or a cheap gift can actually insult a person. Same logic should be applied towards Mehr which is the most important mandatory gift a Muslim husband gives to his wife.
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